This post is a post celebrating a friend of mine I met at Maple Plain Community Church in 2020: Claire Benway! Claire loves Jesus and is a cancer thriver like me–instead of breast cancer, though, Claire is a non-Hodgkin-lymphoma thriver. Claire was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins-lymphoma in March 2024, finished intensive chemotherapy 6 months ago, and just last week had her 1-year-from-diagnosis scan that will tell her what comes next!
Claire Benway is a zealous, Jesus-loving wife, mama, daughter, sister, and friend who is nominated for the 2025 Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Visionary of the Year campaign. She is an inspiration to me and so many others, and I wanted to publish this post to celebrate her amazingness and her campaign to become the 2025 Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Visionary of the Year!
Claire and I got to sing with the worship team at MPCC in April 2025!Claire singing at MPCC in April 2025!
And, here’s Claire’s story–or at least the part of it I’ve been blessed to experience!
Here I am with my son, Zephaniah, and Claire at Maple Plain Community Church a week after her diagnosis. She came to church weekly through her treatments and it is always such a joy to see her!!!
Claire’s Visionary of The Year / Lymphoma Thriver Story
I am a couple of years behind in my own personal breast cancer survivorship updates as I’m now into year 5 of survivorship and my last blog post highlighted my 3-year-survivorship screening. I’m praising the Lord as I’m still in remission / all clear!, but a lot has happened in the past 2 years of my cancer survivorship journey, including Claire’s diagnosis last spring (more detailed about my journey to come–this one’s all about Claire!).
I first met Claire when she was the leader of a Bible study I joined in 2020, in the middle of my family’s journey through breast cancer. She was a bold and beautiful Bible study leader who never shied away from any of the study’s hard questions!
Claire’s cancer journey has inspired me in more ways than one. The first inspirational point came in the miraculous way she was diagnosed. In March 2024, Claire was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins-lymphoma while on spring break with her husband, parents, and two kiddos in Georgia. She’s always living large and moving at breakneck speed for Christ and His Kingdom, but spring break 2024 allowed her to slow down long enough to know she needed to get checked out!
Her lymphoma diagnosis rocked my world in a jarring way with a middle of the night text message in March 2024. She was on spring break when she began to feel super sick and got admitted to the ER in Georgia. She found out there that she had non-Hodgkin-Lymphoma, and immediately activated her prayer warrior network which I was thankful to be part of!
Her chemotherapy started shortly after she returned to Minnesota after spring break. Here is her diagnosis story, originally posted in her “Row the Benway’s Boat” Facebook group:
For the last few months I have been experiencing abdominal bloating and discomfort. Finding slight relief with otc meds but it always came back. I set an appt with my clinic first available was a video visit in August. While on vacation for spring break with my parents and the kids to visit my Uncle Mike in Savannah my symptoms became unbearable. Of course if you know me I have a rule of no one being aloud to be sick. I hold it is still a good rule and I will be reinstating it after I have kicked cancer. My discomfort escalated quickly while on vacation and my mother insisted I call the nurse line and demand to be seen now. Of course I listened to my mother because they are usually right the nurse said to not pass go do not collect $200 and go directly to the ER. I conferred through years of frustration and with my uncle Mike (who solidified his status as my favorite uncle in the last week) and he accompanied Micah and I to the ER Thursday afternoon around 3:30. We waited a few hours in the ER and then were sent for and abdominal CT Scan around 9:30 pm that night and that’s when I got the preliminary news about from the ER doc that it was most likely a lymphoma. I was admitted to the hospital (move to a room not the ER) got a room early morning 3am on Friday. We spent the next day with that preliminary diagnosis and waiting to on oncology. I had a biopsy of a lymph node in my groin as the ones in my abdomen were to “risky” to biopsy. That was sent off and results will be in most likely on Tuesday. The oncologist is very confident it is stage 2 non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. (Yeah?🤷🏻♀️) apparently it’s the best worst case scenario. Originally we had thought we would stay in Savannah as I start treatment directly after the results came back from the biopsy. As the doctors in Savannah were not happy to let us go without a team up north. The thought was that I would start chemo and then after that first dose that would give us time to find an oncologist in Mn. But that changed when they said if we start the first chemotherapy in Georgia I would be staying all the way through the first cycle. So that means almost 40 days. With that information we were much less inclined to be away for that long. Our very good friend Melissa is a Doctor liaison for MN Oncology we called her up and she got us a doctor in 4 mins (more on that amazing story another time.) God is good. So since Savannah Doctor was hesitant to let us leave without a Doctor lined up and now I have a Doctor Lined up. She said great you have until the scan comes back to get back to MN. She was happy we are able to drive rather than fly, and prescribed pain meds for the road.
Air travel to risky with my “way to large spleen” that may not like the extreme pressure changes. Also if I get the Rona or the flu treatment will be pushed back further So We Ride! In the mini van and will be back in Minnesota hopefully late Sunday the 1st. I will kick off April with be a week of appts. Getting a port for chemo PET scan for insurance purposes. (That’s an interesting thing) and then plotting out the rest of my what will most likely be 6 rounds of chemo. Each one about 3-4 weeks apart. Typical lymphomas are very responsive to chemo as it’s basically targeted medicine. I will find physical pain relief after that first course as that will be when everything starts to shrink. And I stop looking like I am 7 months prego. Which apparently my best friend was going to ask me about after this week if I had not “come clean”
Thank for all your thought and prayers. I can only say that the following things are Gods Devine plan and all the glory goes to him.
1. We had nothing to do this week but focus on each other allowing for me to realize how bad I felt.
2. We were surrounded by family who were quick to support and hold us in their arms.
3. One of those family members had many medical connections and was able to guide us on this dark and murky path.
4. Placement of loved people in our lives who were able to mobilize and find a doctor so fast.
5. A massive network of prayer warriors who reacted instantly to the call.
Claire serving lunch at a MN Adult and Teen Challenge Potluck in May 2024!Claire with her dad, Mark, serving lunch at a MN Adult and Teen Challenge Potluck in May 2024!A “Wild Claire” selfie in front of Maple Plain Community Church in April 2025 with Selah, Mandy, Micah, Pat, and Mark!Claire, Kylie, and me at MPCC in April 2025, a couple of weeks after her diagnosis! I made it a personal goal of mine to take “Wild Claire” photo sightings from around church!
Claire is a Jesus Loving Prayer Warrior
The second inspirational point about Claire’s journey is her trust in the Lord in and through it all. Claire and her husband Micah launched a Facebook group (“Row the Benway’s Boat”) and organized a Prayer Team immediately after her diagnosis in March 2024. The Prayer Team prayed diligently and daily for months, leading up to and through her chemotherapy treatments, via Zoom call.
Many of our Maple Plain Community Church friends were on the call and beyond, and I was able to join several prayer calls. Every time I joined to pray, I cried. I cried because I was sad about Claire’s diagnosis, but I was also grateful she was diagnosed so she could move forward with a clear treatment plan; I trust the Lord Jesus as our healer, redeemer, and friend, but learned in part from Claire’s diagnosis and those prayer calls that even though Jesus is our healer, redeemer, and friend, those truths don’t mean it will be easy to accept the realities of suffering we experience this side of heaven–especially when suffering happens to those we love.
I have a friend who told me that the Holy Spirit is moving when we let the tears flow–not only that, but when we cry, tears have medicinal healing properties for our skin (!). This helped me to be encouraged rather than discouraged by my tears, and I was reminded also how grateful I was to be part of a priesthood of all believers (1 Peter 2:9). I wasn’t the only one crying on those prayer calls, and I was thankful to be able to celebrate God’s faithfulness as he healed Claire in and through chemotherapy and whatever other means He would choose. What a gift to surrender our anxieties to the Lord in prayer, trusting He is working all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28)!
Then, last week, after completing 6 months of chemo 6 months ago, Claire had her 1-year-from-diagnosis scan that will tell her what comes next! As Claire posted in her “Row the Benway’s Boat” Facebook group last week:
I will find out the results next week as well as start to make the next plan. Hopefully that plan is “go and get back in shape for more adventures” but if it’s not God I am sure will provide clarity in what is next. For God is the sustainer of life. I will trust in the Lord.
Claire with her mom, Pat, before the 2024 MPCC Christmas Play!Claire focusing on her director duties during the 2024 MPCC Christmas Play!Claire focusing on her director duties during the 2024 MPCC Christmas Play!Claire on stage at the 2024 MPCC Christmas Play she directed!
Claire is a Thespian + Bible Study + Youth Leader Extraordinaire (does she ever stop moving??)
The third inspiring point about Claire’s cancer journey is that, while I know there were difficult moments and will continue to be–cancer survivorship is no walk in the park!–Claire never let her lymphoma diagnosis in March 2024 slow her down.
Like I mentioned earlier in this post, I met Claire in 2020, and she was one of our Bible study leaders as my twin sister and I battled breast cancer.
After Claire’s diagnosis with NHL in 2024, in addition to volunteering at every church event you can think of, Claire endured intensive chemotherapy treatments while leading weekly rehearsals for Maple Plain Community Church’s annual youth play–a dramatic production that involved 100+ actors and volunteers who put in hours and hours of work. Under Claire’s direction, the MPCC theater team pulled together an incredible play with 2 performances for full crowds!!
Claire is also a Youth Leader at Maple Plain Community Church. She went to Belize with the Youth Group during her chemotherapy treatments, too (what?!?!?!!??!!). How many of us would go to Belize as Youth Group leaders in general, let alone shortly following a cancer diagnosis / during treatment?!!? WOW.
Not to mention her hiking trip in the Grand Canyon (which she did an abbreviated version of while on treatment), full-time job at the University of Minnesota, parenting two teenagers, and her frequent appearances on Maple Plain Community Church’s worship team. We got to sing together this weekend and it was SO. MUCH. FUN!!! You can see photos of us in the galleries below and watch the full service at this link and posted below. 🙂
Claire and I got to sing with the worship team at MPCC in April 2025!Claire singing at MPCC in April 2025!
Claire’s Vision for a Lymphoma Cure & Beyond!
Claire is a visionary in more ways than one. She inspires me every day with the way she loves God and loves others, and I can’t wait to see how she continues to change the world!!! Her cancer journey is a chapter in her story God is writing. She is fearfully and wonderfully made and we are all blessed to know her!
To close, here are some photos we took together at a Maple Plain Community Church worship rehearsal last week. God is good and I’m so thankful the joy of the Lord is Claire’s strength!!! <3 Her zeal is contagious!
“Let’s try to jump up and down for a photo!”“Did that one work out?!”“Charlie’s Angels!”“Charlie’s Angels! Again!”Mandy, Claire, and me at MPCC worship rehearsal!
This blog post is the 46th in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, see us in a 2022 news story on KSTP-5 at this link, and learn more about our dad’s work with the American Cancer Society at this link.
On December 3rd, 2022, I officially became a 3 year breast cancer survivor! On Friday, June 16th, I passed the 3.5 year mark with “no signs of malignancy!” Not only that, but my sisters and me and my husband Chris got to bring all 3 of our babies for our breast cancer doctor to meet her in person at the same time! Cue comments in the lobby and clinic including, “We love babies here!,” and, “Look at their cute matching pink shirts!”
In some ways my breast cancer diagnosis feels like just yesterday. In other ways it feels like forever. In the past few months, as I’m moving toward year 4 of survivorship, I’ve had friends and loved ones experience breast cancer recurrences, new cancer diagnoses, biopsies, and going home to be with Jesus.
Every time I hear news that someone close to me has cancer, my breath catches in my chest and I remember my twin sister’s boss’s reaction to her diagnosis: “This is so unjust!”
Cancer diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship is hard. I admitted this to my husband through tears when we got home from Mayo yesterday. Every time I have an ache, pain, headache, or unsettling feeling, I wonder, “Is my cancer back?” My twin sister feels the same way, as do thousands of other survivors around the world. As a follower of Jesus, I know these fears and anxieties are invitations to surrender and trust that God is good and sovereign over my body, health, and circumstances–but that is much easier said than done!
So, to make navigating survivorship a little less hard, I know God has given me family, friends, and prayer warriors to help encourage me and my sister and my family along the way! I thanked my baby sister for bringing her daughter and driving us down to Rochester, and she told me, “I know it’s hard, but at least we have each other!”
And, as a pastor said at a family friend’s funeral last week: “God works mightily through people around us to bring us rest for our weary souls, hope for future, and strength to carry on.”
“Mayo is an emotional place,” my husband told me.
Here are the praises + prayer requests from my 3 and 3.5 year breast cancer survivorship appointments, and highlights in detail below!:
Here we are at Mayo in November 2022 with Jess!
Praise!: One of my best friends from college got to come into my MRI with me at Mayo Clinic in November 2022 and my twin sister Steph came along to my appointment, too! That was fun! And, there were no concerning findings on MRI. Praise God!
Here we all are at my June 2023 breast clinic checkup with all the babies!
Praise!: I got rear ended in February 2023 with Steph, her 2 week old son Harold Robert, and my 15 month old son Zephaniah in the backseat. All the babies were fine, Praise God, Steph had a few floaters in her eye that went away, and I got whiplash, but chiropractic and massage helped with that! then I was worried the seatbelt possibly ruptured my implant, but got an ultrasound at my visit in June and there were no concerning findings there either! Praise the Lord!
Praise!: Working with one of the top breast clinic doctors at Mayo Clinic Rochester has its perks–somehow, she pulled strings to get me an ultrasound the same day of my visit right after I was finished meeting with her and having my physical exam! I went right to ultrasound after my physical exam and got the all clear from radiology–no rupture and no concerning findings, YAY!
Even though cancer screenings and survivorship are stressful, it’s a joy to be able to travel to Mayo all together!
Prayer Request: For clear scans and protection / deliverance from cancer forever! We met a woman named Janet at Mayo yesterday who told us how cute our babies were. We shared stories and found out her sister died of ovarian cancer a few years ago, and now she has ovarian cancer, too. She’s in chemotherapy and her prognosis is good, but it was a sobering reminder of the importance of all of us sisters getting screened at Mayo every 6 months–to ensure we catch any problematic findings as early on in our journeys as possible and, ideally!, that we’d never find cancer again, ever!
Here are some highlights from the past 6 months–including my 3-year MRI followup scan, the babies going to Mayo for the first time 🙂 and celebrating God’s faithfulness through the life of a family friend and breast cancer warrior, Jackie!
Our Breast Cancer Doctor Gets to Meet All 3 Babies!
My twin sister’s mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer this spring. I went along to take notes at her intake appointment at Mayo Clinic, where she was blessed to work with the same doctor that has guided my sisters and me through our breast cancer journeys. My sister’s mother in law was so excited to share pictures of her grandson Harold (you can read all about him in this post!), and at the appointment, our doctor looked at me and said, “Let’s see if we can get all 3 babies down here for an appointment at the same time!”
“Okay!” I said.
So, for my 3.5 year survivorship appointment on Friday, June 16th, we all went–with all 3 babies! There was traffic on the way and on the way back, some tears and screams from the babies, but our doctor and the nurses, techs, and patients we ran into during our visit loved it!
It was slightly stressful and difficult to convince all 3 of my sisters, my husband, and all 3 babies that it was a good idea to go all the way there and back, but if I was sold out to make this happen and am so glad that it did! I’m so thankful everyone was healthy and happy and the weather was good–I was praying and praying that God would grant all of my requests (Psalm 20 🙂) and He certainly did!!!! Not only for the joy of my sisters, husband, and babies visiting our breast cancer doctor but also for an “all clear” report on my implants / chest!
If I could live my entire life with these sort of grandiose gestures every day, I would 🙂
A 3-year MRI check on my foobs
My 3 year survivorship appointment in November 2022 was uneventful–in all the best ways!–except for the fact one of my best friends from college, Jess, got to come into the MRI room with me, which was amazing!! I didn’t know that you could bring friends in until my baby sister brought her husband in with her because of her severe anxiety, so I asked if I could bring Jess in with me because of my anxiety, and she came in, too!
As an ICU nurse, Jess is familiar with medical procedures and protocols, but this was the firs time she got to go into an MRI! We chatted through my scans and at my appointment with my doctor after finding out that everything looked good, praise the Lord! They sent me away to see me again in 6 months for another clinical exam and on the way home we got some of my favorite gluten free donuts in all the land from Drift Dough.
Jess also heard us play the piano, we took photos by Mayo’s beautiful chandeliers, and then, that weekend, we got to celebrate Steph, Paul, and Baby Harold Robert at a baby shower all together! Yay!
After my Mayo checkup, we got to celebrate Steph, Paul, and Baby Harry with lots of family and friends–including Jess, Britt, and their mom Sharon! Here are all of the ladies from our families 🙂
3.5 year checkup + ultrasound for rippling implants & chest pain
Like mentioned above, in February, I got rear ended in February 2023 with Steph, her 2 week old son Harold Robert, and my 15 month old son Zephaniah in the backseat. All the babies were fine, Praise God!, Steph had a few floaters in her eye that went away, and I got whiplash, but chiropractic and massage helped with that!
Then, I was worried the seatbelt possibly ruptured my implant because I was experiencing pain on the left side of my right implant by my sternum and noticed some kind of significant rippling I hadn’t seen before. I told my doctor all about it, she did a physical exam and said that, while she felt the ripples, things felt “reassuring,” and she ordered an ultrasound to investigate further.
There were no concerning findings on ultrasound either, Praise the Lord! The ultrasound tech looked all around the implant and said the radiologist gave me the “all clear” with the understanding that, if there were something going on behind the implant, only an MRI would show that, but that things looked good on ultrasound for the moment, yay!
Good results from my ultrasound, yay!All set in the Breast Clinic changing room for my ultrasound!Waiting for good results from radiology!
If there had been a rupture or a leak, they would have seen it on ultrasound, and sent me to plastics to figure out how to fix it. My doctor said implants can last 20 up to 50 years, though (she wouldn’t recommend 50 years, haha), and that rippling can occur with weight loss, too, which I experienced during COVID in December 2022.
And so, even though I experience some pain in my chest during my cycles every month, have some ripples in my implants, and was worried the car accident caused my implant to rupture, I’m all clear! My doctor said my sternum may have been bruised slightly from the seat belt impact and that lifting lighter weight when it seems irritated is a good approach to take.
Next up for me is another 6 month check at the breast clinic in December 2023. Then, I get to see my gynecological oncology team at Mayo in August to make sure my ovaries check out okay! Here are highlights from my most recent and upcoming visit with gynecological oncology at Mayo!
Arriving at Mayo for my gynecological oncology update–alone for the first time ever because my twin sister was in labor about to give birth in the Twin Cities!!
Chemical pregnancy / miscarriage + ovarian screening
My most recent gynecological oncology checkup at Mayo was on February 8th, 2023, the same day that Steph gave birth to Harold Robert (birth story in this blog)! She was in her 3rd day of labor in the Twin Cities when I left for Mayo–as soon as I got back to the hospital, she pushed Harold out! All that to say, it was a very invigorating yet exhausting day I was incredibly grateful for–it was the first day that anyone in our family ever went to Mayo Clinic for an appointment alone! I kept myself busy and the anxiety at bay with constant updates about Steph’s labor and delivery journey via text and phone calls and prayers with and from friends and family.
My Mayo team is watching a “1.4cm simple right paraovarian cyst” that is “benign-appearing.” I’m grateful it’s not concerning for the moment!
Ironically enough, my gynecological oncology team said (again, because they’ve told me before!) that pregnancy is one of the biggest mitigating factors for ovarian cancer risk. The evidence behind this is because the more you ovulate, the higher your ovarian cancer risk is; the less you ovulate, the lower your ovarian cancer risk. When you’re pregnant, you don’t ovulate!, so we will see what God has in store for us down that road.
As with most things in life, pregnancy is ultimately out of our control. We have friends who are going through several rounds of IVF; we’ve walked with friends through miscarriages; and then, in October 2022, we experienced a chemical pregnancy / miscarriage firsthand.
I had a “chemical pregnancy” / miscarriage in October and found out that this occurs in 1 of 4 conception stories: A woman conceives, but the pregnancy never implants in the uterus or stops developing in the first 5-6 weeks and is then passed in a monthly period (also known as “early pregnancy loss”). Most women sometimes never know that this type of pregnancy happens to them, but I did–because we got a positive pregnancy test early on but then lost the pregnancy which was confirmed with an hcG test at my local OB clinic.
I never thought a miscarriage would happen to me, but then again, I didn’t think I would get breast cancer either! It’s been hard for Chris and me to process our loss knowing what a joy it would be to have another kiddo plus be pregnant to mitigate ovarian cancer risk, but it is also encouraging for us as a reminder that God loves us and has everything in His control. His timing is perfect and is never late–it just wasn’t the right time for us to be parents again yet!
I also learned that birth control pills are another option to decrease ovarian cancer risk because they stop you from ovulating, so your ovarian cancer risk decreases on birth control pills. However, birth control pills also increase your estrogen, which increases breast cancer risk. Not to mention they keep you from getting pregnant. With that said, my care team(s)–both gynecological oncology and breast clinic–agree that birth control pills are probably not the best option given my risk factors!
So: Because my polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) doesn’t help with me getting pregnant, my gynecological oncology team said that they’d plan to give me a referral to Mayo Clinic’s Reproductive endocrinology and infertility team as needed down the road.
I asked my breast clinic doctor for her thoughts on hormonal fertility treatments and IVF in light of my breast cancer recurrence risk factors, and she paused before she said:
“That’s a good question. That’s tough. Once you hit year 5 of survivorship, it’s a good sign you’ll never have to deal with breast cancer again. Hormone treatments for pregnancy carry a slight increase in recurrence risk because of the extra hormones…but you should be fine. See if you can ‘get lucky’ without it, then why not get started with something later this year?”
Mitigating ovarian cancer risk while managing breast cancer recurrence risk is all very overwhelming, but we are grateful for God’s faithfulness, guidance, and the wisdom of my doctors! We will see what Jesus has in store for us and our family!
On the way to my ovarian screening checkup taking a selfie with the tiger. Keeping the eye of the tiger through all of this!!!It was a bright clear day at Mayo that day and I walked to lunch at Chester’s to eat by myself while waiting for my afternoon appointment!
A tribute to breast cancer warrior Jackie Eastman
One of my dad’s best friends from high school lost his wife, Jackie, to breast cancer two weeks ago. My dad, mom, and me went to her celebration of life service at Mount Olivet Lutheran Church in Edina, Minnesota, where her entire family went to church and where she grew up going to church. It’s the largest ELCA congregation in the nation, and it was a beautiful service inside of a beautiful sanctuary.
Jackie passed away early the morning of Memorial Day–Monday, May 29, 2023–around 2am CST. I was in Toronto for the International Communication Association (ICA) 2023 Conference, where I received the Journalism Studies Division’s Outstanding Dissertation Award for my work on “The Institutionalization of Solutions Journalism.” I woke up suddenly in my hotel room at 2am Toronto time and laid there. I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I prayed until just after 3am Toronto time, when I finally fell asleep again. That never happens to me!
Then, the next morning, I got a text from my dad, and knew why I’d woken up in the night–Jackie had passed away just before 2am CST, which is the exact same time I’d woken up in Toronto. I believe Jesus woke me up to pray and to celebrate that Jackie was on her way to heaven where she would suffer no more! I thanked God for His faithfulness in waking me up to pray, and thanked God that Jackie got to go to meet Jesus after 2 1/2 weeks of hospice!
While I never met her in person, Jackie was an inspiration to me as she wrote a beautiful blog at this link that her family carried on into a CaringBridge site when her recurrence happened in spring 2023. Her daughter said blogging was a way for her to wrestle with life’s hard questions, celebrate God’s faithfulness, and to process everything she was going through with cancer.
The graceful way Jackie showed Jesus’s love to everyone around her even as she entered hospice was an incredible inspiration to me, and I cried tears of joy and gratitude through most of her funeral. Words used to describe Jackie at her celebration of life included curious, generous, selfless, and abiding in the goodness of God.
While we never chatted in person, I commented on Jackie’s breast cancer blog posts and Jackie commented on mine. Most memorably, when we faced Steph’s potential recurrence in February 2023 that ended up being benign nodular adenosis, Jackie encouraged us as she faced a recurrence of her own:
“I have been praying for you constantly. I am also waiting on tests as doctors are concerned I have more cancer . I have been listening to this song – I hope it encourages you as it did me:
God is in the waiting …
And, this “happened” to be in my inbox today – “Peace & Insight for Today by Susie Larson on January 22nd, 2023. May you pause today to remember that your journey is as sacred as the destination. Whatever next place God has for you, He intends to meet you in this place, where you now stand. He’s hidden treasures in the valleys and grace in the shadows. He offers rest amidst the chaos and peace in the middle of the storm. Instead of wishing your life away, pause today and pray, ‘Lord, open my eyes to see You here. Help me to extract the previous from the difficult. Help me to embrace the everyday graces You’ve so richly provided. May you find joy today simply knowing that you belong to a loving, invested, attentive Savior and He intends to get you safely home. Ephesians 6:23 NLT: Peace be with you, dear brothers and sisters, and may God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you love with faithfulness.”
When we received and shared Steph’s good news, Jackie celebrated and encouraged us with her whole heart:
Soooo happy for YOU !!! Love those FULL BLOWN miracles !!
And, when I told her that one of her blog posts about Joshua trusting God’s promises in Numbers 13 + 14 so encouraged Steph in her waiting for biopsy results, she said:
I am so glad ! That’s a blog from years ago – so that makes me so happy it was helpful to you during your last challenge ! Now you can focus on that beautiful child that God has gifted you with
And so, even though Jackie received news of a recurrence and would meet Jesus face to face only weeks later, her encouragement to focus on our beautiful children brought me to tears. The ability we have to be mothers is a miracle, and seeing Jackie’s legacy carried on in her husband of 43 years, two sons, one daughter, and nine grandchildren is awe-inspiring.
There were many inspiring moments throughout Jackie’s celebration of life, including mentions of her strong faith, how she grew in her relationship with Jesus every day, and had a great marriage of 43 years that resulted in a strong family of 3 kiddos and 9 grandchildren.
The response to any gift is gratitude. Life is a gift we didn’t deserve or earn. Jackie was a gift. The appropriate response to a gift is to be grateful. Even in grief we celebrate her life… we walk in the way of gratitude.
As a benediction, the pastor stated: “God’s steadfast love endures forever; His faithfulness endures to all generations; and in the hope of Jesus Christ we give thanks!”
The pastor also prayed that God would “fill us with your peace that surpasses understanding and fill us with memories of joys shared.”
I though that was a beautiful prayer–for peace and, while acknowledging our grief, to also cling to memories of joys shared. I celebrate Jackie’s memory and legacy and hope and pray my blog can encourage others going through hard times like hers encouraged my heart. I also hope I can leave a similar faith-filled legacy among my children, family, and friends.
Lessons Learned from Jackie’s Life and Legacy
On a lighthearted note, according to Jackie’s sons, the advice she gave all of them when she found out she’d be going to hospice–that I’ve taken to heart since hearing!–was:
“Go on vacations you can’t afford, and buy a dog.”
Two songs that her sons mentioned memorialized her for them include “My Song Will Never Die” by Luke Combs:
And “Mama Raised the Hell Out of Me” by Mitchell Tenpenny:
Jackie also gave each of her kiddos a devotional about trusting God in hard times “even though she was the one battling cancer.”
Verses shared throughout the service included Luke 12:15: “Life doesn’t exist in abundance of possessions … generational faith is more important than generational wealth;” John 14:1-6; 2 Timothy 4:7-8, read by one of her granddaughters; and Proverbs 31: “Her children arise and call her blessed…a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
According to Jackie’s son, her final words the night she passed were “I’m up there!” as she raised her right hand and pointed to the sky.
She came to know Jesus at Cathedral of the Pines camp in Lutsen, Minnesota, and that’s where she met her husband, Eric, the summer after 7th grade before they got married right after college and were married for 43 years. According to her kiddos, they went to Lutsen every summer, and Jackie always wanted to encourage her kiddos in life, love, and relationships. She never lost sight of God’s goodness even and especially in suffering, and for that, I am so grateful to have her as a role model!
As her pastor said during her celebration of life service:
Jesus weeps with us and he grieves with us. As Jackie lived out and believed, the heart of the Gospel is a God who suffers for and with us. A crucified Christ who suffers for and with us. This is how He helps us: through the power of suffering love. So instead of removing it, He shares it. Instead of overcoming our pain, He promises we won’t be alone. He works mightily through people around us to bring us rest for our weary souls, hope for the future, and strength to carry on.”
Another encouraging reminder at Jackie’s celebration of life service was that abiding in Christ (my life verse, John 15!) is the best way to live in gratitude.
The pastor told us that, when Jackie ended up in the hospital with her recurrence, she said: “How could I say this isn’t fair? If someone had told me this is how my life would end at 65, I’d say, ‘Sign me up! I’ve been so blessed!’”
I don’t know how many days I have left earthside, but I take immense comfort and joy knowing and trusting that all of my days are already determined and known by God and God alone (Job 14:5). Taking this truth into consideration, I frequently ask God to teach me to number my days carefully so that I might develop wisdom in my heart (Psalm 90:12). Beyond that, I know that no conversation, relationship, opportunity, or situation is an accident–as Charles Stanley preached one time on the radio, when you come to Christ, every moment thereafter is ordained to glorify Him.
So here I am, in year 3.5 of survivorship, trusting the Lord will bring us all home in his perfect timing, and thanking God for the blessing of Jackie and others who have gone to meet Jesus after courageously battling cancer, trusting that Jesus is walking with us every step of the way! And also, to remember:
“You are special and so deeply loved.
Jackie Eastman
Beautiful sanctuary at Mount Olivet Lutheran Church in EdinaMy mom, dad, and me at Jackie’s celebration of life service–smiling knowing she has fullness of joy with Jesus now 🙂Beautiful exterior of Mount Olivet Lutheran Church in Edina!
Next Steps
Ovarian Cancer Previvor Screenings: On August 18th, 2023, I’ll go back for another 6 month checkup for ovarian cancer screening. They will do a CA-125 blood test, pelvic ultrasound to take a look at everything and make sure it all looks good, and send me on my way. In the meantime, one of the best ways to prevent ovarian cancer is pregnancy–so we’ll see what God has in store!
Breast Cancer Survivorship Screenings: I’ll call Mayo in September to set up my next screening which will be in December 2023. I asked my doctor how often I will come every 6 months, and she told me, “usually it’s for 5 years, but we can arrange to spread that out if that’s more convenient for you,” and my sister said “No, I think AJ wants to come see you every 6 months for the rest of her life!” I agreed and we all laughed.
Breast Cancer Previvor Screenings for Jennifer: Jennifer will head back to Mayo in August 2023 for her 6-month previvor check! I still owe you a post about her previvor updates and new baby girl Madden Jane which is hopefully coming soon 🙂
Thank you so much for your prayers!!! God is good all the time and all the time God is good!
This blog post is the 46th in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, see us in a 2022 news story on KSTP-5 at this link, and learn more about our dad’s work with the American Cancer Society at this link.
This blog post is the 45th in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
My nephew Harold Robert is our most recent miracle story! He was born at Maple Grove Hospital on Wednesday, February 8, 2023, weighing in at 7 pounds 10 ounces and measuring 21.26 inches!
Here are his adorable “First Day Photos!”
And, like stones of remembrance in the Bible–laid by Jacob after he wrestled with God in Bethel in Genesis 28:10-22; Samuel after the victory against the Philistines in 1 Samuel 7:7-12; and Joshua in the Jordan River as he headed to the Promised Land in Joshua 3-4–I wanted to design this blog post in a way that gives thanks for God’s goodness to Steph through her breast cancer journey. Every heartbreak strengthened and enabled her to become a mama to one of the cutest boys in the whole wide world! Reminding us that blessings in life often come through struggles and challenges.
As a pastor shared at a family friend’s funeral last week:
“The heart of the gospel is a God who suffers for and with us…a crucified Christ who suffers for and with us. This is how He helps us: Through the power of suffering love. So, instead of removing it, He shares it. Instead of overcoming our pain, He promises we won’t be alone. He works mightily through people around us to bring us rest for our weary souls, hope for the future, and strength to carry on.”
There have also been incredible miracles along the way–not least of which has been a year-long sponsorship for Bobbie formula, one of the most amazing gifts both me (for my son Zephaniah in 2021!) and my twin sister Steph have ever received! Harold loves his Bobbie and chows down on the daily. At the 54th percentile in weight at his 4 month checkup, he’s thriving! 🙂
So, in a gesture of gratitude to the God who saves, heals, and redeems us!, here are the miracles that led to us meeting Harold Robert in person for the first time!
Harold Robert’s arrival is a miracle for many reasons. The first twofold miracle is that he came to us after my twin sister Steph went through fertility preservation that was successful, retrieving 28 eggs! The second part is that the successful retrieval led to a case of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS), a life-threatening situation that occurs in less than 1% of fertility preservation patients. Of course, after being diagnosed with Stage 2A HER2+ breast cancer, Steph ended up with OHSS–only one week before her chemotherapy began in November 2019.
But God helped her to overcome this adversity with a trip to the ER, two thoracentesis and one paracentesis procedure. It turns out that, sometimes, miracles are incredibly painful!
Here’s Steph with two of our best friends from Wheaton College and prayer warrior sisters Brittany and Jessica the day she went in to be induced!
The Second Miracle: Steph Carried Harold to Term!
Not only was Harold potentially coming early because of her velamentous cord insertion, which occurs in 1% of pregnancies (shocker for Steph who has ended up with rare medical situations all along!!), but Steph made it all the way to 39 weeks, both she and Harold healthy as horses!
Also, Steph carried Harold to term after 18 rounds of chemotherapy, a double mastectomy, and over a year of Tamoxifen. You can see her, with two of our best friends from Wheaton College and prayer warrior sisters Brittany and Jessica!, in the photo above the day she went in to be induced! Brittany and Jessica (and their entire family!) have prayed us through our entire breast cancer journey–here’s a roundup of posts highlighting Steph’s beating breast cancer journey:
And if you’d rather listen 🙂 here’s a brief speech starting at the 38 minute mark that Steph and I gave at an American Cancer Society luncheon in 2021 recapping our journey through diagnosis and treatment!:
The Third Miracle: Steph and Paul’s Successful IVF Transfer!
The third miracle is the fact that Steph and Paul’s IVF transfer was successful! Steph had a few complications with pregnancy early on and was on bed rest for a little while, then she got COVID while she was pregnant, but the Lord helped her champion through all of it–then they got to see Harold Robert in real life! Here is another post highlighting her IVF / pregnancy journey:
The Fourth Miracle: Steph’s Benign ‘Nodular Adenosis’
The fourth miracle is the fact that all of Stephanie’s recurrence scares–most recently, a lump near her breast implant at 37 weeks pregnant which resulted in a biopsy and diagnosis of “nodular adenosis,” a benign breast condition–have been “all clear!” Here’s that praise report post, along with all the other praises of recurrence scares to date:
The fifth miracle is Harold’s actual physical arrival into the world! Given that Steph had a velamentous cord insertion–plus the fact that Harold was an IVF baby–the risk of stillbirth was significant enough for the OB to order an “early eviction” to ensure he arrived before 40 weeks, when the stillbirth risk was highest. In addition, the OB ordered ultrasounds every week starting at 36 weeks to check Harold’s breathing and movements. If there was anything at all “off,” Harold would come out as early as 36 weeks! His heartbeat and movements and breathing were strong all the way through, though, so they made it all the way to 39 weeks when it was time to go in for induction!
On Monday, February 6th, the morning of her induction, Steph was pretty nervous–we all were!–but thankfully we had friends in town (Britt and Jess) to distract her and we took care of her by getting her all of her favorite foods and by hanging out with her as much as possible to keep her calm. 🙂
To be honest, I was relieved when Steph finally went to the hospital because it meant all eyes were on her and Harold and they were covered in prayer, surrounded by medical professionals. The journey was much longer and circuitous than what any of us anticipated but it was what God ordained and prepared Steph for!
While Steph pampered herself with a nice long shower in prep for the induction, she listened to “Like Incense / Sometimes by Step” on repeat as she prepared to leave for the hospital, which was stuck in her head and encouraged her as she persevered through labor and delivery!
The cool thing is, when I got to the hospital on Tuesday evening, after she’d already been in labor for almost 24 hours, I started singing this song between her contractions and she and Paul both looked at me in shock–“What song are you singing???”–and I told them, “Like Incense / Sometimes by Step,” which was one of my favorite worship songs of all time and helped me have peace in the midst of anxiety! Then Steph told me she’d listened to it all day in preparation to come to the hospital.
Holy Spirit echo for the win! 🙂
Another encouraging thing that the Lord gave Steph in prep for her marathon labor was a sermon from Christine Caine called “Remember Lot’s Wife” (below). Key point that Steph took away and into her labor and delivery is that it’s important to not look back and to remember that, sometimes, God brings you the long way around for your safety–because He has your best interests in mind 🙂
When Steph arrived at the hospital, they tried a few different induction methods that weren’t successful until they started a Pitocin drip and an oral ripening medicine mid-morning on Tuesday. Then, the contractions started coming on strong!
It was interesting to watch the doctors, nurses, and care team discern what the best choices would be for Steph along the way. Even though she was actively contracting (without an epidural), Steph’s dilation took a long time, and involved Pitocin, oral ripening medicine, dilation balloons, etc. Finally, late Tuesday, after an entire day of painful contractions and dilation, they decided to break her water and give her an epidural. I was relieved they chose the epidural at that point because I just wanted Steph to not be in pain anymore!
Overnight from Tuesday into Wednesday, the computers broke, and they had old-fashioned paper printouts of the heart monitors. They also thought that Harold might not be tolerating Pitocin very well, so they decided to turn it off. They also decided they would likely need to do a c-section on Wednesday because Harold seemed stressed on the readouts.
But when God provided a new doctor and nurse early Wednesday morning, there was another miracle–they reviewed the overnight charts and believed a vaginal delivery was possible! Steph is convinced the Lord sent her an angel nurse named Kelly, who was exactly who she needed to endure the final 8 hours of labor and to push Harold out into the world!
When Nurse Kelly came on shift, she said: “One of my favorite things is when I come on shift and they say ‘We have a patient who might need a c-section but we’re hoping for vaginal delivery.’ Let’s make it happen!’”
My labor and delivery took 7 hours beginning to end, so watching my twin sister go through 36 hours of labor was no cakewalk–for me or any of our family! It was a roller coaster that involved Paul sleeping on the hospital floor, Steph going through immense pain, vomiting, Steph developing a mild fever, and a lot of blood loss–all resulting in the miracle of a little human life, Harold Robert.
I had to go to Mayo Clinic for my 6-month ovarian checkup on Wednesday, February 8th. Leaving Steph at the hospital Wednesday morning was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done because I knew how exhausted she was and how much pain she’d been in and also because I knew she still had to push a baby out after all of that. I prayed for her before I left for Mayo that morning, prayed and cried with a friend on the phone on the way back from Mayo (“WHY DOES EVERYTHING FOR STEPH HAVE TO BE SO HARD?!?!”) and when I arrived back from Mayo, I arrived just in time for Steph to start pushing!
Here is Steph, Paul, Harold, and (angel) Nurse Kelly!
When it finally came time to push on Wednesday afternoon, Steph pushed Harold out faster than I pushed Zephaniah out–in less than an hour!
When Harold came out, Steph lots 900 mL of blood, only 100 mL short of a hemorrhage. Harold also had some trouble breathing, so after handing him to Steph, they took him back and they had to call NICU, who helped Harold get his lungs going with deep suction and a CPAP machine in only a few minutes–but it was the longest few minutes of our lives as we texted friends and prayer warriors (“PLEASE PRAY HAROLD ISN’T BREATHING!!!!!”)
When his lungs finally cleared and we got to hold him, we were so thankful and happy! We gave him all kinds of snuggles and cried. We couldn’t believe how scary the entire labor and delivery experience was and also what a miracle it is for anyone to have a baby, ever.
The Miracle of (Single) Parenting Through Postpartum
The night after Harold was born, Steph’s husband Paul came down with COVID. He left the hospital as soon as he started to feel sick and went home to isolate for the entire first week that Harold was at home. Thankfully, I took some cute photos of them before he had to go into isolation 🙂
Then, it was up to us–Steph’s siblings and parents and brothers-in-law!–to help Steph get through that first week of parenting a newborn and managing postpartum physical and emotional symptoms! In addition to being with Steph and Harold around the clock, Paul’s mom and sister made meals and held the baby and our Maple Plain Community Church family made a Meal Train that was beyond generous for an entire month. Not only did meals keep coming, but they were rich in iron and gluten free to help with Steph’s low iron levels and to keep any dietary sensitivities at bay!
Like the quote from the pastor I put at the top of this post, it’s a joy to help be the hands and feet of Jesus in serving loved ones in times of need. And, as you can see in the photo above, we made sure Steph and Harold were never alone! My son Zephaniah enjoyed crawling around Harold’s bassinet while he slept!
Steph cried a lot that week because she missed Paul, and also because she was in a lot of pain and had really low iron levels. She had an iron infusion “push” before she was discharged from the hospital, which helped, but she had to continue with iron supplements for a while after she got home until, finally!, her hemoglobin levels returned to normal.
Here’s a selfie with Harold the first night home from the hospital!
I wrote post it notes with inspirational and encouraging Bible verses and affirmations on them and put them up all over their house to encourage them, and frequently reminded Steph that this was just a season–that Paul would be healthy soon and able to hang out with Harold Robert all the time! I’d sleep from 6 or 7pm through 11pm, then did all of the night shifts from 11pm or 12am through 4 or 5am, then I’d sleep from 5am through 7am and do it all again. I had help from my mom Jane and my sister Jennifer with the overnights too! We tag teamed it and rocked it (until I got super sick a week later but helping was more than worth it)!
Sure enough, Paul came out of isolation exactly one week after coming down with COVID and they were off to the races! Here are some photos of that first week of around the clock care and Paul coming out of isolation 🙂
The Miracle of Life with Harold Robert + Faith Across the Generations
It took a few months for me to prepare this post (!), but here we are, just a few days after Harold’s 4 month birthday, celebrating his existence and everyone’s good health!
Harold Robert is named after their paternal grandfathers–Paul’s paternal grandfather Harold, and our paternal grandfather, Robert. I remember when Steph was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2019, she had a dream that our grandpa, Robert, affectionately known as Grandpa Bob, visited her, gave her a big hug, and in his characteristic way, told her everything was going to be all right.
Sure enough!, here we are, on the other side of breast cancer treatment with Harold Robert! God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good!
Harold had a few health issues during his first month of life including a yeast infection and eye infection, but always had a super healthy appetite and is loving his Bobbie formula given to Steph for free for a year thanks to a Breasties Breast Cancer Survivor Sponsorship, which I received for Zephaniah as well!
We got rear ended with Zephaniah and Harold and Steph in the backseat when Harry was only 2 weeks old. That was not good. But God is good, protected us all!, and carried us through with no major injuries, Praise God!
Steph and Paul dedicated Harold Robert to the Lord Jesus Christ in April 2023, when Harry was only 3 months old! He has a lifetime of adventures ahead of him with Jesus and we are so excited to have the little man as one of our baby human companions on this journey of life!
Here are some recent photos of Harold (visiting work with Mommy, flexing, and at his dedication at our church with most of the family!). Harold is just the best and we love him so much!
Prayer Requests + Next Steps
1) Prayers for Tamoxifen: Steph restarted Tamoxifen in May 2023, only 3 months postpartum (!), and has a couple of years left before finishing her 5 years of Tamoxifen total and being done with breast cancer treatments forever! Prayers are appreciated for peace and for zero side effects while she finishes her Tamoxifen treatment over the next couple of years. And, as we often pray: For deliverance and protection from cancer forever!
2) Prayers forOvarian Cancer Screenings: Steph, me, and our baby sister Jenn go to high risk ovarian screenings at Mayo every 6 months to ensure we are all set with ovarian cancer prevention. Prayers appreciated for continued protection in this department, too!
3) Praises for Parenthood + Harold Robert!: Praise God that Steph and Paul have enjoyed life with Harold for almost 6 months already! He’s their life’s greatest joy and prayers are appreciated for them as they continue to grow together in Christ as a family of 3. 🙂
Thank you so much for your prayers for Steph as we prayed, waited, cried, prayed some more, cried some more, then finally got to meet Harold Robert in person! Stay tuned for more updates as he grows and as we get to experience more of Jesus’s daily miracles as we walk the road of breast cancer survivorship–a recent highlight included Baby Harold Robert’s first visit to Mayo Clinic with Steph, pictured below! 🙂 God is good! 🙂
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21
This blog post is the 45th in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
This blog post is the 44th in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Here is our most recent miracle story:
1) Miracle Report!: A lump my twin sister Steph found on her left implant two weeks ago is benign!!!!!! Specifically, pathology defined it as: “Nodular adenosis with secretory type changes. Comment: In an appropriate clinical context, the findings may represent lactating adenoma.” In plain English, this means Steph’s breast / chest tissue is expanding in response to her pregnancy, and it is NOT a malignancy / breast cancer recurrence. We are praising God for His protection and deliverance!
2) Praise Report / Prayer Request!: Steph is 37 weeks pregnant and baby Harold Robert is doing well!! He is coming any day now and you can see his 36 week ultrasound photo above!! 🙂 Prayers appreciated for peace for Paul, Steph, and Harold, and for protection and favor for Steph and Harold’s safe and speedy arrival whenever labor comes on! 🙂
Thank you so much for your prayers for Steph as we prayed, waited, cried, prayed some more, cried some more, then finally received news that her ultrasound-guided needle biopsy result was benign. Here’s the full miracle story starting at the beginning!:
Day 1: A “suspicious lump”
On Sunday, January 15th, at 36 weeks pregnant (!), my twin sister Steph texted me: “Hello so I found a pea sized small bump along my left implant by my left armpit and am thinking it might be fat necrosis? But I don’t remember feeling it before and sent a message to Mayo just in case they want me to come in for physical exam / ultrasound.”
My stomach felt like it fell out of my butt, once again. I was having deja vu to the time I was 8 weeks pregnant and found a lump near my left implant in 2021. I had to have a biopsy at 14 weeks pregnant, and that was no fun–especially while pregnant!–but at least my biopsy result was “all clear” as “fat necrosis” after a week of waiting! You can read my pregnant biopsy story at this link.
After I took a deep breath and buckled up emotionally for what was sure to be another emotional roller coaster ride, I told Steph I was so thankful she did a self exam and messaged Mayo, and that I was sure she’d hear something back soon!
Day 2: Waiting
The next day–Monday–came and went with no news from Mayo. Steph called to check in at the end of the day Monday, and got an oncology secretary on the phone who confirmed that her care team had been reviewing her file and corresponding with each other in response to her message as recently as 2pm. Apparently they were waiting on her oncologist to give a directive on how he would like to proceed.
Steph told the medical secretary that she was 36 weeks pregnant, and could be induced as soon as this week, or in the next two weeks for sure. Steph just wanted the team to be aware of that timeline. She also added a comment onto the existing internal chain so the team was aware of that.
“I expect I’ll hear something tonight or tomorrow!,” Steph said.
Day 3: Baby Harry’s 36 Week OB Appointment!
Then Tuesday rolled around. Tuesday morning, Steph went to her 36 week pregnancy appointment. Because Baby Harry is an IVF baby with a velamentous cord insertion, her OB ordered a weekly ultrasound and biophysical profile every week until 40 weeks. If Harry shows any sign of distress, she’s getting induced and he’s coming out!
At 36 weeks, and then at 37 weeks, Harry was doing well :), so he got to stay in there cooking a little longer! Steph talked with her OB–who is also a cancer survivor!–about her situation with the spot by her implant. Her OB told her: “When you’re pregnant, things are changing all the time. I’m sure it’s just a change in your tissue.”
That was very encouraging to hear! (and ended up, providentially, being correct!)
Then, finally!, on Tuesday, Steph got an appointment set in her portal: a 7:15am ultrasound on Wednesday, followed by appointment with her oncologist Thursday morning at 8am. Steph and her husband Paul had hoped she could get all of her appointments for the same day so they didn’t need to travel down twice, but were glad to be on the schedule for Wednesday morning. And off they went on Wednesday to investigate what was going on!
Day 4: Wednesday 1/18/23 at Mayo Clinic: Ultrasound, biopsy, and scheduling miracles abounding!
I sent out a prayer text to our prayer warriors on Wednesday morning:
“If you could pray for Steph today she has an ultrasound at Mayo this morning at 7:15 AM to check out a bump she recently found on the left side of her chest! She also has an appointment with her oncologist tomorrow morning at 8am! Prayers appreciated for the ultrasound today and for peace and wisdom for the doctors on the case to be thinking clearly, and to know exactly what’s going on without a biopsy!!, and that if a biopsy is needed that the schedule would open up for that as soon as possible perhaps even as early as tomorrow!!! She’s also 36 weeks pregnant so baby Harold could come any day now!!”
Prayer moved mountains!! First of all, Steph had her ultrasound with the chair of Mayo’s breast radiology division. He also so happened to be the doctor that helped drain our baby sister’s breast abscess in 2022 (more to come on that miracle in a future post :)). He came in to see Steph after her ultrasound tech took some photos and he took some more photos.
He thought the 1.7×1.3cm bump might be tissue that responded/expanded to the Alloderm and implant, but he recommended a needle biopsy or MRI “to rule out anything serious.” Steph asked if he thought it might be tissue responding to hormonal pregnancy, and he thought about it and said “Theoretically, that could be the case…”
We were hoping she wouldn’t need a biopsy, but I knew that she’d need one, mostly because I had to have one when I was pregnant, and we’re twins, so obviously, she’d need one too. 🙂
Steph’s radiology asked Steph if she’d like to see if she could be induced early, have the baby, then have an MRI to investigate further, or if she’d prefer to go straight to biopsy.
Steph said that she’d much rather have results now and would like to go straight to biopsy–making sure that she’d be able to have her biopsy with a seasoned professional due to the proximity to her implant, and that she’d be able to have it done sooner rather than later.
Her radiologist smiled and understood, and told her that he’s “never seen a Mayo radiologist rupture an implant!”
The second scheduling miracle of that Wednesday at Mayo Clinic was that Steph’s ultrasound tech and schedulers got to work, and as soon as she got out of her ultrasound at 8:20am, she already had a biopsy scheduled for 8:30am! That was a miracle because, as one of her schedulers told her:
“You’re lucky they got you in today for biopsy–usually we are booking out 2 weeks!,” one of her schedulers told her.
Jesus made it happen!!!! 🙂
Pregnant biopsy time!
Steph requested a seasoned professional do her ultrasound guided needle biopsy, and she had a wonderful radiologist who got right down to business. 🙂 They talked about student loan forgiveness and the Chanhassen dinner theater. And they even gave her an adorable little stress ball that looks like a hedgehog or a small pig to help her hand not fall asleep as she had to keep it above her head for a half hour or longer while they took the samples (pictured below).
Steph’s update after biopsy was:
“All done! They took 5 samples and left a ribbon as the clip! Like a breast cancer awareness ribbon! She said they took tiny samples from all over the area which was 1.3 x 1.7 cm but mostly avoided the core. Probably bc it was closest to the implant. She said pathology dept is “very good” and will have very reliable data / report in a few days!”
Then, even though pathology results weren’t in yet, they got to go see Steph’s oncologist in person. This was the third scheduling miracle of that Wednesday at Mayo Clinic: That Steph got to see the chair of Mayo’s radiology department, she miraculously got a biopsy appointment scheduled right after her ultrasound, AND she got to have an in-person appointment with her oncologist that same day!
“Hang in there!,” Steph’s radiologist told her. Mayo Clinic doctors and techs are the best, especially expressing empathy to a 36-week-pregnant-34-year-old-breast-cancer-survivor who just had a biopsy to check for recurrent cancer. 🙂
Here is “CJ” the hedgehog, the stress ball they gave Steph during her biopsy to hold! She affectionately named him “CJ,” after Caleb and Joshua in Numbers 13 + 14 in the Bible. Caleb and Joshua are the spies who came back with a “good report” and told Israel that they could have victory in the Promised Land if they’d believe God’s provision! She said CJ is there to remind her of the “good report” that was coming with her biopsy result! 🙂 Praise God!
Oncologist appointment #1
Steph’s notes after her oncologist appointment were:
“Good meeting! He is glad and was surprised that we had the biopsy done already. That is what he would have recommended! He is amazed we got in today quite frankly! Usually they would need him to order it and then it would get scheduled and then we’d need to come back but apparently because the radiology chair recommended / authorized it they made it happen today right away. He said it will take at least overnight to get results and expects we will know results by Friday, so he scheduled a conference call for 1pm. If the results aren’t ready by then, he will push out the conference call to next week. I will get the results in my portal at the same time he gets the results (due to a federal law put into place for patient access to records) – he said it’s up to me whether I read them before our meeting or if I wait to read them.”
Her oncologist did a physical exam of areas other than the biopsy site and didn’t feel anything suspicious but wouldn’t be able to share anything definitive until the biopsy results came in, which would be in 1-3 days. He said there was a chance it could be a malignancy, and if it was, they’d do three things. First, the biopsy would confirm hormone receptor status and stage of the cancer recurrence (if it was cancer). Second, Steph would need to have a PET scan after delivery to check for metastases. Third, they’d bring in Steph’s breast surgeon and proceed in conjunction with her breast surgeon with developing a treatment plan.
Steph and Paul asked Steph’s oncologist if he thought it could be tissue responding to pregnancy hormones, and he thought about it, and said he wasn’t sure. It seems the only doctor who thought that could be the case is our OBGYN!
We were all terrified, but trusting God for a good report. The day at Mayo was miraculous but stressful, and featured concerning lines from the radiology report including:
“This mass shows reproducible internal blood flow on Doppler analysis and does not demonstrate features suggestive of AlloDerm. Findings are suspicious for malignancy,”
Steph’s husband Paul began fasting and praying and continued doing so for several days with the hope and confidence that God would deliver a benign biopsy result.
Steph and Paul and the rest of us closed out Wednesday by sending out messages for prayer heading into the rest of the week, and had a large share of praises as well! As Steph said:
“Praises that God moved administrative mountains today to get in all the needed appointments in a short period of time so we didn’t have to go down another day! Multiple docs, techs, nurses etc. kept telling me and Paul how unusual it is to see everything line up like it did today as they’re usually booking weeks out. Now we move on to praying hard for a benign / non cancerous biopsy result!!!”
Then, this past week, my twin sister had to have a biopsy of a “suspicious” spot on the left side of her chest, in the 2’o’clock position. As it always is, waiting for pathology / radiology results was incredibly stressful.
This verse from 2 Timothy 1:7 came to mind frequently in times I was tempted to doubt or despair: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
Waiting for test results is the hardest part. Our minds tend to wander to the “what if?” scenarios. And then there are actual events that feel like a gut punch.
Sunday, Steph found a lump.
Monday, we had to wait for an update from Mayo, and had none.
Tuesday, my twin sister lost one of her coworkers to metastatic breast cancer.
Wednesday, Steph and Paul went to Mayo where Steph got her ultrasound and biopsy of a suspicious spot on her left breast implant at the 2’o’clock position.
Thursday, a family friend had to go to the hospital with a potential recurrence of her breast cancer.
Friday, our aunt got called back for “suspicious” imaging on her mammogram from earlier this week. Ultimately, our aunt received an all clear as it was scar tissue from a biopsy she received last year, praise the LORD!!! While God is good regardless of test results, we are beyond grateful for every encouraging reminder we receive of healing and deliverance we can experience this side of heaven 🙂
Sometimes we don’t understand all that God is doing. “Why God?” questions are scary to ask, mostly because the answer isn’t always clear to us. Instead of a clear answer, we’re often prompted and encouraged to trust God more in the pain of the unknowns.
For example, Check out Matthew 8. In this chapter of the Bible, Jesus runs around and talks to a lot of people and heals a lot of hurting people. Then, there’s a massive storm on the sea when Jesus and his disciples are in the middle of it. Jesus stays calm, and his disciples do not. Even though his disciples had seen him heal dozens of people from life-threatening illness, they chose to doubt instead of trust. How prone we are to do that, too.
Like my husband preached about once, sometimes when Christ is shining most brightly–when God brings his light into the world–darkness seeks to overcome it. Like right after Jesus was born and his human dad, Joseph, and his mom, Mary, had to flee to Egypt to escape from King Herod who wanted to murder little baby Jesus. Our week was perhaps not quite as dramatic as Jesus’s birth story, but we faced a whole lot of darkness this week. My husband also reminded me this week: “What is the point of life, as a Christian? Is it to be comfortable and ‘safe?’”
“No, not necessarily, I know,” I said, “but I’m so scared and it just hurts so much to think about all the suffering Steph is going through,” I told him as I cried. He understands, and he cried too.
It’s like it says in James 1–which is much easier said than done:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
“I just don’t want this trial to steal my joy!!!” I texted a friend through tears.
“You say that as if you are the source of your own joy,” she responded. “Read Psalm 121. Eyes up!”
Clinging to joy in suffering is MUCH easier said than done.
Day 6: Friday: Even more waiting…through the weekend
On Friday 1/20, we had a conference call with Steph’s oncologist at 1pm. He’d hoped to have some results by then to share with us, but he didn’t. He didn’t have any updates from pathology, and unfortunately didn’t know when results would be in. He asked if it would be okay for him to call Steph “on the fly” as soon as he received any updates, or if she’d like him to formally schedule an appointment to go over things. Steph said she’d be okay hearing on the fly, so I sent out this prayer update to our prayer warriors via text and social media:
“UPDATE Friday 1/20/23: Continued prayers appreciated for Steph, as pathology / radiology results were not final yet today (Friday 1/20)! Her oncologist will call Steph “on the fly” as soon as he hears anything, hopefully early next week. Thank you so much again for your prayers for peace in the waiting, for wisdom for Steph’s doctors, and above all, for a cancer-free, benign biopsy result as Steph prepares to deliver Baby Harry into the world any day now! God is our faithful healer and provider and He’s carrying Steph, Paul, and Baby Harry every step of the way! “
I got home Friday evening after spending the afternoon with Steph waiting for news from her oncologist–which never came. I started writing this blog post, hoping to see God’s promises emerge from the week, and was reminded of a devotional I read on Wednesday called Streams in the Desert. Wednesday’s entry, and really the entire week’s, was full of encouraging promises during a week full of trials. For example, on the Wednesday of Steph’s biopsy:
“If there is a great trial in your life today, do not own it as a defeat, but continue, by faith, to claim the victory through Him who is able to make you more than conquerors, and a glorious victory will soon be apparent. Let us learn that in all the hard places God brings us into, He is making opportunities for us to exercise such faith in Him as will bring about blessed results and greatly glorify His name…defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out. When the great oak is straining in the wind, the bows drink in new beauty, and the trunk sends down a deeper root on the windward side. Only the soul that knows the mighty grief can know the mighty rapture. Sorrows come to stretch out spaces in the heart for joy.”
This reminder was a good one, but I couldn’t shake a feeling of heavy darkness and fear of the “what if’s.” Until I remembered that the Lord promises to give us the “treasures of darkness” when we trust Him, as it says in Isaiah 45:2-3:
“I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”
So I started looking for those treasures of darkness vigorously.
I got on social media to check our comments from prayer warriors, and it didn’t take me long. Some friends had left songs for us to listen to about God’s promises. One of them is “You Already Know” by JJ Heller, sent from a friend who was in the hospital with a potential recurrence of her cancer. You can listen to the song below, but know that it’s a tear jerker–I cried for 2 hours listening to it on repeat, but sang it to myself as a prayer all weekend long!:
Day 7: Saturday: Reminders of God’s faithfulness
On Saturday, after four days of waiting for test results, I went to Trader Joe’s and bought Steph and my mom flowers (pictured above, with a card that says “what a complete and total dumpster fire,” which encapsulated our week to date well :)).
My mom, having to watch her daughters go through all of this, always appreciates a nice bouquet of flowers. 🙂 Steph liked hers too! I also picked Steph up Portillo’s for lunch because she wanted a hot beef sandwich and a strawberry chocolate shake. 🙂 She gets whatever she wants this weekend (and beyond)!!!!
I shared with Steph an entry from the devo Streams in the Desert again today that I hoped was encouraging:
“God never uses anybody to a large degree until after He breaks that one all to pieces. Joseph had more sorrow than all the other sons of Jacob and it led him out into a ministry of bread for all nations. For this reason, the Holy Spirit said of him, “Joseph is a fruitful bough…by a well, whose branches run over the wall” (Genesis 49:22). It takes sorrow to widen the soul.”
She laughed and said, “I know, that is all true, but I thought I’d suffered a lot already.”
I gave her a hug because she had a very good point.
Here is “CJ” the hedgehog again, in his “permanent” residence at Steph’s work at her law firm in her office! CJ is the stress ball they gave Steph during her biopsy to hold! She affectionately named him “CJ,” after Caleb and Joshua, the spies who came back with a “good report” and told Israel that they could have victory in the Promised Land if they’d believe God’s provision! She said CJ is there to remind her of the “good report” that was coming with her biopsy result! 🙂 Now she can be reminded about the good reports at work, too! Praise God!
Steph told me that as she was reading the blog, there was a post about Numbers 13 and 14, when the spies went out from Israel to look at the Promised Land (you can read her full post at this link). In summary: 10 of the spies God sent out came back with bad reports saying Israel should not proceed, but Caleb and Joshua, two faithful and faith-filled spies, came back with optimistic reports, saying that, even though there were adversities ahead, the Lord would be with them, and that they should take the land.
As our family friend wrote on her blog: “The lesson I see here is to refuse to look at the bad report and instead look to God and His promises. Do I trust the bad report? Or do I trust God’s plan for my life? He has not promised me that I will remain cancer free, but He has promised me that He has a plan for my life and that it is good. It all comes down to this – do I trust God’s plan no matter what that looks like?”
In Numbers 13 + 14, the Israelites did not listen to Caleb and Joshua, but they listened to the 10 negative reports instead. As a result of their lack of faith they had to wander in the wilderness for 40 years when they could’ve been delivered if they would have just listened to Caleb and Joshua‘s story of God’s deliverance and provision for them. Not to mention God struck down the 10 spies who gave a negative report with a plague as a result of their faithlessness.
20 minutes after Steph finished reading this blog on Numbers 13 + 14 and was prayer journaling about it, Charlotte Gamble started talking about Numbers 13 + 14 on Air1 Radio! Steph took that as a sign from the Lord and she named her stress ball squeegee toy that her nurses gave her in her biopsy “CJ” in honor of Caleb and Joshua, the spies who trusted in God’s provision and brought back a good report!
Steph said, in the same way as Caleb and Joshua, Steph was trusting and believing for a good report and no more cancer!!!!!! She also said if it ended up being a report we didn’t want to hear from pathology, that they would trust God is good and know He will deliver her anyway!
I think God led Steph to Numbers 13 and 14 on Saturday to remind us how important it is to trust God’s deliverance and protection like Caleb and Joshua did in facing all seasons and circumstances, no matter how dire. Here’s part of the Numbers text:
“And they told him, “We came to the land to which you sent us; it flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. Yet the people who live in the land are strong, and the towns are fortified and very large…” But Caleb quieted the people before Moses, and said, “Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it.” Then the men who had gone up with him said, “We are not able to go up against this people, for they are stronger than we.” So they brought to the Israelites an unfavorable report of the land that they had spied out, saying, “The land that we have gone through as spies is a land that devours its inhabitants; and all the people that we saw in it are of great size…we seemed like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them.”” Numbers 13:27-28, 30-33 NRSV
Thanks to these encouraging reminders, when I got home Saturday night, I felt a peace and confidence for the first time that Steph’s pathology result would be fat necrosis / benign tissue with no more cancer!!!!!!! I fell asleep reading Numbers 13 and 14, so grateful for God’s faithfulness and for our opportunity to trust Him more fully through this trial.
Our mom, Mama Jane, hanging with Steph’s pup Gizmo, watching HGTV with us!
Day 8: Sunday: More Waiting / The Dark Before the Dawn
Sunday morning, Steph and Paul came to church where my husband Chris was leading worship and lots of people were praying / prayed over them. 🙂
We spent a lot of time together over the weekend in an attempt to distract Steph from her forthcoming results and to distract ourselves, too. I listened to lots of songs that reminded me of God’s faithfulness, including “Wonderfully Made” by Ellie Holcomb, “Thank You Lord” by Thomas Rhett and Florida Georgia Line, and “You Already Know” by JJ Heller, and “Back to Life” by Zahriya Zachary. I read and prayed Psalm 139, Psalm 121, and Psalm 23, and wrote out questions we had for the doctor if it was a recurrence of some kind.
Questions we were prepared with and had written down in our notes for the oncologist when he called with test results included: What are the options of what this could be? Is it possible it’s leftover breast tissue? Fat necrosis? Scar tissue? What do YOU think it is? Is this what recurrence looks like? What are next steps for follow up if it’s fat necrosis or scar tissue? Is this type of Inflammation could be any reaction to pregnancy hormones? How can you tell if it’s a local, regional, or metastatic recurrence? Can radiation and surgery take care of local and regional situations? Why would a PET scan be needed when there are risks for false positives? What about an MRI to check for metastases instead? If it is a local recurrence can’t we just treat this spot right now locally instead of looking for other problems and potentially over treating? If it’s nothing, is there any reason to follow it or what is follow up and is there any chance it becomes something malignant or could transform into that? Would surgery to remove it and/or the implants be advantageous?Do implants increase chances of recurrence?
Like my doctor told me when I asked her if risk for breast cancer recurrence increase with every pregnancy, she said: “No, it actually decreases every pregnancy, because as you get farther away from the time you had cancer, chance of recurrence gets less and less. Recurrence would happen sooner after your first diagnosis. Also, if there were any estrogen receptor cells in your system, they would have been woken up by your first pregnancy, so here we are checking things out!”
All that to say, our minds were racing and by day 9, we were ready for results!!! Maybe Monday would be the day!
Here is Steph’s cat, Bart, over the weekend, letting us know we should all just “chill out!” 🙂
Day 9: Angry tears and then…MIRACULOUS RESULTS!!!!
Monday morning rolled around and we didn’t have any answers…yet. I went to see my nutritionist, then got home, still nothing. I made Steph an appointment with our nutritionist to make sure she was ready for childbirth and then I went home and got on my elliptical. I worked out and read Scripture and cried some more, mostly angry tears, because while I was believing and trusting for a good report and I knew God was in control, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was still so scared of whatever news we were going to receive.
As soon as I got my son up from his morning nap, I got three texts and a call–Steph’s pathology results were in!:
“Breast, left, ultrasound-guided core biopsy: Nodular adenosis with secretory type changes. Comment: In an appropriate clinical context, the findings may represent lactating adenoma.“
Then, a few moments later, a call from Steph:
“We’re still waiting to hear from the oncologist, but the pathology result looks good! There is no sign of malignancy anywhere!!”
I couldn’t believe it!!!!! I felt like I was dreaming!
Sure enough, an hour later, a phone call from Steph’s oncologist:
“Good news! So we have a nodular adenosis, which is completely benign. There is no malignancy with this result. I am not concerned at all with this result.”
We were shocked!
He continued: “I did not expect these results, and I was delighted to see them. It is absolutely the best case scenario, and there is no risk of malignancy.”
We all couldn’t believe our ears!
“We are so excited and thankful!!,” Steph said. “We think this is a total miracle!”
Her oncologist laughed, and said: “You were the ones who came into my office and told me it was just tissue changing due to pregnancy! You knew the answer before I did!,” and he laughed some more.
We all laughed. And I told him how terrified we were and how a lot of prayers were said and tears were shed before we finally heard. Then we had a few questions–because it seemed to be too good to be true, but also that it had some interesting words in the report, like “lactating.” So here are the clarifying questions we asked:
“How does the report say “lactating” if Steph doesn’t have any breast tissue remaining?“
Double mastectomy removes 95 to 98% of breast tissue. There are always some cells remaining, so this is from the 1-2% that’s left.
Is there any reason this could turn into a malignancy and/or should it be surgically removed?
I am not concerned at all about malignancy, and it may even resolve on its own after birth. You are more than welcome to reach out to your breast surgeon’s team if you’d like to hear their thoughts on removing it, but no matter how many times you go in for breast surgery, you will always have some breast tissue remaining.
What does follow up look like?
Clinical exams, and imaging as needed. As I mentioned, I am not concerned. It may occur again in a future pregnancy and is something for us to keep an eye on, but is not concerning.
Then we had no further questions so we told him thank you and that Steph would see him in a few months! Then we sent out a celebratory text to our prayer warriors that said:
“We just got off the phone with Steph’s oncologist, and her test results were totally negative!!!!!! It’s a medical miracle!!!!! Her oncologist said “I did not expect these results, and I was delighted to see them. It is absolutely the best case scenario, and there is no risk of malignancy.” Praise God!!!!!
Here we are with our prayer warrior nutritionist on Monday afternoon after we shared the good news of Steph’s good biopsy report! She prays for us and has an awesome portrait of Jesus in her office. She is the best! 🙂
Next steps
We are still recovering from all of this miraculous news. We understand that God is good and would still be good if the test results had been different, but we are in so much shock and relief that we can hardly believe it still.
All of this was an incredibly sobering week, especially the part that we have 1-2% of our breast tissue remaining, even after a double mastectomy! This is motivating to us to double down on our commitment to health and survivorship: Exercising consistently, keeping stress at a minimum, eating clean and organic whenever possible (with the exception of the occasional Portillo’s shake :)), maintaining a positive mindset, being aware of toxins and chemicals in the environment and consumer products; and living a nonalcoholic lifestyle.
We celebrated with Station Pizza on Monday night as a family, then a few of us came down with colds as a result of our immune systems being pounded by the stress of this last week. But that is small potatoes in light of the glory of the Lord we experienced in delivering Steph a miracle: a benign breast condition typically only seen in lactating women during pregnancy or postpartum! A notable thing about that is that none of the Mayo Clinic doctors thought it could be tissue responding to pregnancy hormones until Steph and Paul brought it up to them. And here we are!
God is our faithful healer and provider, amen!
We will put out a post with Baby Harold Robert’s Arrival SOON!!!
Then, we have a few things coming up in February:
+My next every-6-month preventative ovarian cancer screening
+Jennifer’s first mammogram and ultrasound!
This blog post is the 44th in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Here is Steph with baby sister Jennifer and niece Madden Jane at our family pizza party!! We are all so thankful for Steph’s good report!Here is Steph walking up to see her nephew Zephaniah and fur nephews Bear and Thor on Monday, waiting to greet her and celebrate her good report!!! <3Here is me with baby Zephaniah smiling so big after Steph’s reports came back all clear on Monday! Praising God all day long!!!! 🙂 <3
This blog post is the 43rd in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Here is my twin sister Steph (middle, thumbs up!), her husband Paul, and me after her 18 month remission appointment and “all clear!”
We are beyond excited to announce my twin sister is cancer free as she marches on into remission! Not only that, but Stephanie is pregnant with she and Paul’s baby boy, Harold Robert! She is 28 weeks along, and she and her husband Paul are elated to welcome Baby Harry into the world on Valentine’s Day 2023!
All of the details about her “timed break” from Tamoxifen and conception via in vitro fertilization are in this post. Before jumping into the details, here are the highlights of praises and specific prayer requests!:
Here is Baby Harry smiling for the camera at his 28 week ultrasound!
Praises that Baby Harry’s umbilical cord moved up & away from Steph’s cervix: Steph has a velamentous cord insertion, which occurs in 1% of pregnancies (shocker for Steph who has ended up with rare medical situations all along!!). To take it one step further, her velamentous cord started out as “vasa previa,” which means that unprotected blood vessels from her umbilical cord traveled across the opening of her cervix, posing dangers. If Steph’s water broke during labor with vasa previa, the exposed blood vessels can burst, causing serious problems for mama and baby especially if her water broke early. Given all these high risk complications, we prayed and prayed and prayed that Baby Harry’s umbilical cord would move up ASAP, away from her cervix, so that Steph wouldn’t have to go into the hospital 2 months early to be monitored and that she would have the option to deliver naturally at term instead of having a planned c-section as early as 36 weeks. While Steph still has a velamentous cord, we found out this morning that her vasa previa has resolved and her umbilical cord has moved out of the “danger zone” and is far enough away from Steph’s cervix for her to avoid an early admittance to the hospital! God has perfect timing and plans for Baby Harry and we are so thankful for His protection and provision in Harry’s little life so far! 🙂
Praise!: Steph applied for and received a year of sponsored formula from Bobbie, an incredible organic women-led formula company that sponsors ~60 breast cancer survivor mamas with a year of free formula every year! Bobbie partners with The Breasties to advocate for insurance equality–to get breast cancer survivor mamas insurance coverage for formula in a similar way to how other mamas have insurance coverage for breast pumps. Steph is going to be part of their advocacy movement and has already shared her story with the amazing women who also received the sponsorship and with journalist Katie Couric, who was on the Zoom call telling everyone they’d won a sponsorship! You can see Steph with some of her fellow Bobbie Breasties in the photo above!
Praise!: We got to throw a dinosaur-themed baby shower for Baby Harry, Steph, and Paul last weekend. It was so fun to share time with Steph and Paul and to celebrate their amazing baby! Photos below 🙂
A recap of Steph’s journey to date: Fertility preservation, OHSS, and a hysteroscopy
It has certainly been a long journey to get where we are today! Here is a brief “highlight reel” of what (in addition to lots of prayers and Jesus) got Steph and Baby Harry where she is today:
Fertility preservation: Before my twin sister started chemotherapy, her oncologist recommended they preserve fertility at a fertility clinic in the Twin Cities. They were able to freeze / preserve pre-chemo 28 eggs, which was wonderful! You can read all about this in this blog post.
Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS): Unfortunately, because Steph’s trigger shot and procedure to retrieve 28 eggs was so “successful,” her body went into ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome as a result of all of the hormones given in her trigger shot. This happens in a very small percentage of women who go through fertility preservation, and Steph found herself in the emergency room. She had to have two thoracenteses and a paracentesis to drain fluid from her abdomen and lung cavity. To be honest, we are just thankful she survived all of that–just one week before starting chemotherapy. You can read about Steph’s experience with OHSS in this blog post.
Steph’s hysteroscopy (removal of scar tissue) procedure at Mayo Clinic: Steph’s fertility clinic in the Twin Cities found some scar tissue in her uterus on imaging that they said was likely a result of chemotherapy. They recommend she have it removed before beginning the IVF process to ensure the embryo implant would be successful. Her timeline was very tight, but Mayo Clinic’s gynecological surgery team got her in within a week! Not only that, but Steph got to see a doctor who had been doing these procedures for decades. Her procedure was successful as an outpatient procedure and Paul was even able to stay with her for the entire thing!
After these brief recaps, we are all set to head into Baby Harry’s conception story!
Here are Steph and Paul waiting to see her oncologist for her 18 month remission checkup!
Taking a “timed break” from Tamoxifen
Steph and her husband Paul met with her oncologist toward the end of 2021 to discuss expanding their family. Their oncologist said that, based on the data available to him about cancer survivors like Steph taking timed breaks from Tamoxifen, that he was completely comfortable with Steph taking a 2-year-maximum timed break from Tamoxifen to try to conceive via IVF. He also let Steph know that she’d need to be off of Tamoxifen for 3 months minimum before trying to conceive to ensure it’s out of her system. This is because Tamoxifen is proven to cause birth defects and pregnancy to end early. Tamoxifen also has a long half life–at 3 months it is 99% is out of your system, and two weeks before that it is 85% out of your system. So, it’s important to wait the extra couple weeks to a full 3 months before trying to conceive.
Based on this guidance, Steph began her timed break from Tamoxifen on January 1, 2022, and she and Paul planned to head to the fertility clinic to begin IVF in April 2022, with the approval and input of her oncologist! Here is what that process looked like.
Surrogacy?
Steph’s IVF doctor mentioned that some breast cancer survivors opt immediately for surrogacy rather than carrying their own baby due to fear of higher estrogen levels in pregnancy and risk of recurrence, so Steph asked her oncologist if she and Paul should opt for surrogacy right away.
Steph also personally wanted to know if pregnancy would increase her risk of cancer recurrence, so she asked her oncologist that too.
Her oncologist reassured her that he had reviewed studies and data that pertained to her case and his answer was no on both counts: All of the data her oncologist has shows no increase of recurrence with pregnancy for women like Steph that get pregnant after breast cancer. So, in Steph’s case, pregnancy does not increase breast cancer recurrence risk! With that said, Steph and Paul were free to decide natural conception vs. in vitro fertilization (IVF)!
Chester’s in Rochester is our jam. We love their burgers and salads and it gives us the fuel we need to keep going through all of these appointments!!
Natural conception vs. in vitro fertilization
Steph let her oncologist know first that her AMH level was at 4.4, which is considered “normal!” This is a miracle in and of itself, because it means that Steph has eggs left in her ovarian reserves post-chemo! She asked her oncologist if, based on this knowledge, if he would recommend she and Paul attempt to conceive naturally during her timed break from Tamoxifen.
Steph’s oncologist let her and Paul know that he would be entirely supportive of them attempting pregnancy naturally, or to go the IVF route. If they were going to try to conceive naturally, Steph’s oncologist was entirely supportive, but if they wanted to get pregnant in the quickest way possible within the 2 year Tamoxifen timed break window, an embryo transfer via IVF would make the most sense.
They had 28 eggs saved, which was excellent!, but Steph had some questions about the progesterone and estrogen they’d need to get her cycle going for IVF to be successful. Her oncologist, again, was not concerned with anything they want to use in the IVF process. Her oncologist let us know that he had no concerns because the levels of hormones going through Steph’s body during pregnancy would be much higher than any supplements or hormones the fertility clinic would give her.
Steph and Paul also asked if there would be any number of rounds of IVF that would make her oncologist uncomfortable. He said no, but that the 2-year-timed break is very important: Research shows that, as a general guideline, any timed break from endocrine treatment (Tamoxifen) should be less than 2 years.
So off they went into the IVF process!
Here are Steph and Paul all dressed for the embryo transfer!
IVF Step 1: Baby Harry’s origin story
As mentioned earlier, Steph and Paul were able to freeze / preserve pre-chemo 28 eggs, which was wonderful! You can read all about this in this blog post.
Steph and Paul’s fertility doctor let them know that they unfreeze eggs in batches of 3, and that they’d recommend attempting to thaw 6. Five eggs survived the thaw, and all 5 were fertilized, and they ended up with a 100% fertilization rate!, but only 3 made it to blastocyst phase.
Steph and Paul decided, with their doctor, to attempt to transfer twins (2 of the 3 embryos), and to freeze the third embryo to come back for later. The double embryo transfer was successful, but only one of the embryos implanted in Steph’s uterus. The other embryo was “reabsorbed” and did not become a viable pregnancy.
This is similar to what is called a “chemical pregnancy,” which occurs in 1 of 4 conception stories. A woman conceives, but the pregnancy never implants in the uterus or stops developing in the first 5-6 weeks and is then passed in a monthly period (also known as “early pregnancy loss”). Most women sometimes never know that this type of pregnancy happens to them, but some do–if they get a positive pregnancy test early on but then get a period.
All that to say, Baby Harry was confirmed in an ultrasound a couple of weeks after his conception. While we mourn the second embryo who was transferred and didn’t implant, we celebrate Harry’s life and the fact that Paul and Steph have a third embryo in the freezer at their fertility clinic that they plan to transfer in the next several years after Harry’s arrival!
Here are Steph and Paul at their “confirmation of pregnancy” appointment, waving hello to Baby Harry on the ultrasound screen!Here I am, with my medical support team of sister Jenn, Mama Jane, niece Madden, and Steph–all ready to give one of her daily progesterone butt shots while Paul was away!
IVF Step 2: Daily shots of progesterone
Every day, Steph got targets drawn on her butt where she needed a shot of progesterone to keep her hormones up through the first few weeks of her pregnancy. We affectionately called these “butt shots!” When her husband Paul was out of town, I would help out, with my sister and mom. Our niece Madden tagged along, too!
IVF Step 3: Subchorionic hematoma
Steph experienced some bleeding after her confirmation of pregnancy appointment, which ended up being a “subchorionic hematoma.” These are fairly common in IVF babies for some reason, but is terrifying no matter what. Steph was worried she may be miscarrying, but her fertility doctor reassured her to rest and the bleeding would stop shortly. Sure enough, it did. Thank God!
Here I am with Steph and Paul at their confirmation of pregnancy appointment in my “best aunt ever” tshirt!!!
IVF Step 4: Graduating from the fertility clinic to the OB
Steph graduated from the IVF clinic to her standard practice OB at her confirmation of pregnancy appointment. She is excited to be working with the same OB that delivered my baby, Zephaniah, in 2021, and our niece, Madden, in 2022!
Here is Steph 23 weeks pregnant at her oncology appointment at Mayo this fall!
28 weeks pregnant and counting!
Steph is 28 weeks pregnant and counting! There are a few exciting things happening in her uterus: Steph has a velamentous cord, which means Harry’s umbilical cord is unsheathed, inserts into the side of the placenta, and comprises some exposed blood vessels. In the beginning, Steph had “vasa previa,” which means her umbilical cord was very close to Steph’s cervix, which meant if her water broke early, Steph would bleed a lot and baby’s life would be in danger. if the umbilical cord hadn’t moved up to 5 cm away from the cervix by Steph’s 28 week OB appointment, she would have had to potentially go into bed rest at the hospital and have a planned c-section as early as 36 weeks to be watched closely!
We prayed and prayed and prayed that Baby Harry’s umbilical cord would move up ASAP, away from the cervix, so that Steph wouldn’t have to go into the hospital 2 months early to be monitored and that she would have the option to deliver naturally at term instead of having an early planned c-section as early as 36 weeks!
We found out this morning at Steph’s 28 week appointment that her cord has moved out of the “danger zone” and is far enough away from Steph’s cervix for her to avoid an early admittance to the hospital!! She is smiling in the photo above 🙂 God has perfect timing and plans for Baby Harry and we are so thankful for His protection and provision in Harry’s little life so far! 🙂
Here we are at Steph’s 28 week OB appointment waiting for the doctor!!Here I am as a proud auntie with nephew Baby Harry’s ultrasound pic!
Next steps: Multiple pregnancies & intermittent timed breaks on and off Tamoxifen
We asked Steph’s oncologist about risk of recurrence for multiple pregnancies–i.e., if there is no increased chance of recurrence with one pregnancy, is that the same case for multiple pregnancies? Steph’s oncologist said there is no distinguishing between one or multiple pregnancies in the studies that show pregnancy does not increase chance of recurrence, and that he is “very supportive” of multiple pregnancies.
So, after Baby Harry’s delivery, Steph will go back on Tamoxifen to complete her endocrine therapy regimen, but will potentially take another timed break to try to conceive a second baby via IVF! At her most recent visit with her oncologist, we asked for an update on how long Steph would need to be on Tamoxifen. Her oncologist let us know that the recommended length for survivors to stay on Tamoxifen is between 5-10 years total. He also let Steph know that we could discuss any potential benefits of staying on it longer than 5 years closer to that date because hopefully we’ll have more data at that point!
In addition to that total timeline, her oncologist let her know that it is totally possible for Steph to attempt another timed break and embryo transfer before the 5 to 10 total years on Tamoxifen ends / is up, which means they can attempt another embryo transfer in the year or two after Harry’s arrival! He said that “intermittent Tamoxifen” is totally fine.
Here is Auntie Steph (pregnant with Harry!) with Niece Madden Jane and nephew Zephaniah Jon!
Next steps at Mayo
Steph will see her oncologist again in May 2023, which is approximately 6 months away. She will restart Tamoxifen at that point if she’s recovering well from Harry’s delivery as there is “no clinical benefit to restarting earlier rather than later within that 2 year window.” The oncologist also said if you’re willing to start the Tamoxifen earlier to be done sooner, that that’s totally fine.
Also in 2023, because federal recommendations moved from 5 year to 3 year checkups on silicone implants, Steph will likely have an MRI to check on the integrity of her silicone implants.
In the meantime, she will be enjoying carrying Baby Harry and being auntie to nephew Zephaniah Jon and niece Madden Jane! Oh, and of course, enjoying being a “fur mama” to her Boston Terrier puppies Gizmo and Sonic (on Instagram as @gizmo_n_sonic)!
Thank you for your prayers for Steph, Paul, and Baby Harry! Specific continued prayers include:
Prayers for the velamentous cord insertion: That Baby Harry would continue growing and thriving and that the pregnancy would be safe and complete to term!
Prayers for remission: Continued prayers (as always :)) that Steph (and our whole family for that matter!) would be protected and delivered from cancer forever!
Psalm 139 has been on my heart for Steph, Paul, and Harry this year. There are musical versions of this psalm by Shane & Shane and Red Rocks Worship, too. The verses go like this:
“O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in–behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.”
Let’s not forget Steph and Paul’s baby Boston Terriers, Gizmo (right) and Sonic (left)!
This blog post is the 43rd in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Last Thursday, October 27th, 2022, our whole family shared our breast cancer story during an interview with Emmy-award winning journalist Alex Jokich and KSTP-5 chief photographer Joe Caffrey! They put together an amazing news package that’s been airing on Channel 5 this entire weekend.
Alex is also one of three girls/sisters–just like Jennifer, Steph, and me!
We are grateful that we are here to share our story. We hope and pray our stories encourage women (and men!) everywhere to get regular health screenings and to trust their gut when they need something checked out!
This blog post is the 42nd in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
UPDATE (10/26/22): My dad has now raised almost $11,000 of his $15,000 goal for the month of October (Pinktober)! Here is a rundown of the events he hosted this past week:
Here’s the whole family all ready to go live for the 2022 Chris Steinke Breast Cancer Awareness Fireside Friday!
Chris Steinke’s 2022 Breast Cancer Awareness Fireside Friday
You can watch Chris Steinke’s 2022 Breast Cancer Awareness Fireside Friday on Facebook or Instagram! In one hour on Friday, October 21st, Dad raised over $1,000 toward his campaign!
Here’s Dad and his whole family at the 2022 Kick$ 4a Cure event!
2022 Kick$ 4a Cure
Dad raised another several thousand dollars toward his campaign on Saturday, October 22nd, at his 3rd annual Kick$ 4a Cure event! This year, there were 8 kickers who kicked 100 field goals each to raise awareness for breast cancer and to help raise funds for American Cancer Society! You can watch Jon kick on Facebook at this link–and I was the first female who ever kicked in the event! You can watch me kick on Facebook, too!
Here’s a cute photo album of highlights from the 2022 Kick$ 4a Cure event!This year, my dad, Jon, is shooting for $15,000 raised for research and support for cancer survivors!
Original post: For 3 years now, my dad, Jon Althoff, has served as an ambassador for the American Cancer Society’s “Real Men Wear Pink” campaign! This year, he’s co-chair of the entire campaign!, and you can donate to his 2022 campaign at this link (he’s already raised over $6,500 of his $15,000 goal)!
Dad was interviewed on KSTP 5 in the Twin Cities last weekend and our whole family will be interviewed on KSTP 5 to share our breast cancer story next Thursday 10/27!
Dad’s goal is almost $5k more than what he raised last year ($10,500)!!! Thank you to those who have already donated to the cause!!
Here’s the whole family for Breast Cancer Awareness Fireside Friday in October 2022!
Fireside Friday: Friday 10/21 @ 6pm CST
Join Jon and family as they take part in the 3rd annual Steinke Music Breast Cancer Awareness themed Fireside Friday at 6pm CST on Facebook Live at this link or on Instagram Live at this link!
Here’s the 2022 Kick$ 4 a Cure logo designed by Jenn’s husband Eric!Here’s Real Men Wear Pink Field all ready for Kick$ 4 A Cure 2022 on Saturday 10/22!Here’s Jon all ready to break his 78/100 kicking record from 2021!
Kick$ 4 A Cure: Saturday 10/22
Join Jon on Facebook Live at this link on Saturday, October 22nd, for the 3rd annual Kick$ 4 A Cure Event! Kickers will be kicking from 10am – 3pm, and Jon will be kicking at 2pm CST.
Here’s the whole family and friends at the 2021 Kick$ 4 A Cure Event!Here is baby MJ, all ready for the 2022 Kick$ 4 A Cure event!
What is Real Men Wear Pink / American Cancer Society anyway?
It’s BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!!! In honor of this month, here’s a video of a speech that my twin sister and I gave at the American Cancer Society Minnesota’s 2nd Annual ResearcHERS Luncheon in 2021 explaining our journey through breast cancer diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship! We start talking at the 38 minute mark in the video below:
Here is the 2021 American Cancer Society’s ResearcHERS event where we heard from amazing female researchers who have benefited from ACS grants. My twin sister Steph and I share our personal story at the 38:00 mark!
Or, you can watch the speech as my dad filmed it from his iPhone below:
Here is the 2021 American Cancer Society’s ResearcHERS event where we heard from amazing female researchers who have benefited from ACS grants. My twin sister Steph and I share our personal story at the 38:00 mark (from my dad’s iPhone)!
As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, it was awesome to be able to share about our experience with a room full of award-winning researchers and donors and to meet some incredible researchers dedicating their lives to discovering new cancer diagnosis and treatment protocols and doctors treating cancer patients on a daily basis. God is good!!!
Thank you for your support of the American Cancer Society and Jon’s Real Men Wear Pink campaign. You can donate at this link! Without donors’ generous support, advances in cancer research that directly impacted our treatment and the treatment of thousands of others would not be possible!
This blog post is the 41st in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
I became a mother for the first time on November 1st, 2021, exactly two years to the day after I met with the surgeon who would perform my double mastectomy that would cure my Stage 0 DCIS breast cancer. (You can read about my November 1st, 2019 surgery appointment / double mastectomy plan at this link, and about the surgery that actually happened on December 3rd, 2019, at this link. I’ve been cancer free for two years now, woohoo!)
Here is Zephaniah with my dad and me a week postpartum! Zephaniah is the youngest member of “Team Mayo Clinic” and the American Cancer Society’s “Real Men Wear Pink!”
We named him Zephaniah inspired by one of our favorite Bible verses, Zephaniah 3:17:
“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
That verse carried me through much of my breast cancer journey and has been a comforting promise during survivorship, as well. It’s a blessing to know it’s also the promise my husband and I will pray over our son for the rest of our lives! And, actually, my husband, who is a worship pastor and musician, sings to him regularly already 🙂
Here is my husband singing to Zephaniah!
We are so grateful beyond measure that we had a healthy birth and that our baby is healthy and happy! Almost three months into parenthood, we have three major praise reports, followed by a list of blessings we’ve experienced in our 3 months of parenthood so far:
This is me, Zephaniah, my husband, and two dogs after a 200 yard walk 5 days after delivery! It was amazing to get outside but I almost passed out after 100 yards and forced myself to turn around. Postpartum is a trip!
1) Postpartum recovery is going well!: Three months after delivery, I am FINALLY feeling ALMOST normal, mentally and physically. There’s a roller coaster of emotional and physical side effects that come with pregnancy and postpartum recovery, and extra excitement from being induced with Pitocin and experiencing a second-degree tear exacerbated everything! While I can’t wait to be back to 100%, I understand that healing from childbirth–a lot like healing from my double mastectomy!–takes time and rest. I’m still learning that following doctor’s orders to lie low for longer than I’d like is always a good idea so I can be back to full health in due time 🙂
2) A Free Year of Bobbie Baby Formula: Because my double mastectomy makes it impossible for me to breastfeed, my twin sister nominated me for a year of free baby formula from Bobbie, an organic formula company founded by women that provides a breast cancer sponsorship to survivors of breast cancer who can’t breastfeed (which is AMAZING!). This year, Bobbie sponsored ~60 breast cancer survivors with free formula for a year you can read about their breast cancer sponsorship program at this link, and see their founder in an interview on CBS at this link and posted above!). After being interviewed by their founder and executive board members (you can view highlights from our group interview at this link), I was blessed with a sponsorship this year along with ~60 other amazing breast cancer survivor mamas! I do not take this for granted because my husband and I prayed and prayed that we’d find a perfect formula that our baby would like and that was healthy. You can watch a video about the sponsorship here, and read more on this praise report below!
Here are Zephaniah and I all ready for our bobbie Zoom interview with the founder 1 week postpartum! We received a year of free formula as part of their breast cancer survivorship sponsorship!Zephaniah wakes up happy in the mornings because he’s such a good sleeper!
3) Sleeping through the night!!: At one month old (!), Zephaniah began to sleep through the night with 1-2 feedings / diaper changes max between 11pm and 5am. Now, at almost 3 months old, he is sleeping from 10pm to 6-8am every morning!!! We do not take this blessing for granted because we have prayed every day that he’d be a good sleeper and here we are, 3 months after delivery, snagging 8+ hours of sleep per night. 🙂 Praise God!
As one of my friends recently told me, I shouldn’t try to process all that it means to become a mother all at one time, but I am going to try my best to share some of the highlights and blessings that come with being a breast cancer survivor mama here!
Here’s Zephaniah drinking up his organic bobbie formula which he LOVES!
Blessing #1: A Year of Free Bobbie Formula: Breast Cancer Survivorship Program!
First of all: Keeping an infant alive is hard work. Second: Not being able to feed them in the way God designed (breastfeeding) is incredibly challenging emotionally and mentally. These things make finding a formula your baby incredibly stressful until you find the right one–and then it’s an immense relief when you finally find a formula that works!! My husband and I knew we wanted the best formula for our baby which meant tons of nutrients and preferably organic ingredients.
Not only did we find a formula that worked (bobbie!) but it has tons of nutrients, organic ingredients, AND a sponsorship program for breast cancer survivors. Bobbie is the only female-founded and mom-led infant formula company in the U.S., and it also “joined forces with The Breasties Organization to launch an awareness campaign and public petition for moms who physically can’t breastfeed after a mastectomy to receive insurance coverage for a viable way to feed their babies” (read more about this partnership and program in this Business Insider article).
All that to say, I am so grateful to be part of this program and I recommend bobbie to any woman looking for a formula but especially breast cancer survivors looking for a formula. Bobbie is amazing, and they have resources for women who struggle with breastfeeding, too–not just breast cancer survivor mamas. So, check out their website and look around! 🙂 You can also gift it to parents you know looking for a good formula!
Here is my husband Chris feeding our son Zephaniah his first bottle of bobbie formula in the hospital!!!!
This formula has been a blessing in more ways than one. One of my fondest memories from the hospital was watching my husband feed our baby his first bottle. I still tear up with gratitude thinking about all the prayers that went into bringing us to be parents and finding the right formula. We are so thankful!
Here is my husband feeding our son Zephaniah a bottle in the middle of the night at 3:25am at the hospital!!!My husband and mom got to be with me for labor and delivery which was AMAZING!!!Here I am, eating a “Labor Induction” burger from The Suburban in Excelsior, Minnesota, at 40 weeks pregnant. It didn’t put me into labor like it has for 600 other women, haha!
Blessing #2: Childbirth!
I had to be induced a week after Zephaniah’s due date because he didn’t want to come out on time even though I’d been dilated 3cm for 3 weeks. Ha! When we finally got to the hospital at 41 weeks, it was Halloween night at 11pm. I was already contracting, and had been for at least a week, probably because of all the raspberry tea and curb walking I’d been doing!
Here’s my support team during contractions (my husband and mom)! The contractions were much more manageable while I bounced on a yoga ball!
They started my Pitocin at 4am, then my doctor broke my water at 7am. My contractions started with vigor right after my water broke, and I got an epidural at 8:45am. My nurse told me that “I got the epidural at just the right time.” Phew! One thing they don’t tell you about the epidural is that your body will shake uncontrollably after you get it as labor intensifies. That’s all the adrenaline. It was a crazy amount of shaking!
Here I am after getting the epidural. I was a happy camper!
I rolled around with a peanut ball between my legs, shuddering under tons of warm blankets, until 12:30pm, when my nurse decided I’d dilated to 10cm and it was time to push! That’s when the charge nurse came in and told me that, if I pushed Zephaniah out before the next scheduled C section at 2pm, he’d be the 50,000th baby.
“LET’S DO THIS!!!” I said.
And we did! Childbirth itself was a ton of fun. I really truly enjoyed pushing Zephaniah out into the world in 68 minutes (!), and the fact he was the 50,000th baby born at the hospital was an incredible blessing!! My labor and delivery team was incredible and I loved my doctor and nurses. My husband and mom got to be in the delivery room with me which was an amazing, and my nurse and doctors were such helpful coaches teaching me know how to breathe and push!
Here is my doctor and me and Zephaniah right after birth!!!
After 9 hours of active labor following Pitocin and my doctor breaking my water, I only had to push for an hour to get him to come out into the world to meet everyone!! We received a gift basket and a round of applause when he arrived, which was awesome.
Here is me and Zephaniah and the labor and delivery nurse with our basket of goodies for Zephaniah being the 50,000th baby born at Maple Grove Hospital!Here is my labor and delivery nurse and me with Zephaniah! She was amazing!!!
Blessing #3: Surviving Postpartum Recovery!
And so we went from celebrating Zephaniah being the 50,000th baby at the hospital and being numbed by my epidural to the brutal reality of postpartum recovery. The postpartum recovery process was A LOT more difficult than I’d anticipated. I had a few friends let me know it would be challenging emotionally and physically, but nobody told me with brutal honesty how hard it would be.
Postpartum recovery in the hospital entailed lots and lots of ice, heat packs, trying to sleep, bleeding, figuring out how to use the bathroom, and figuring out how to feed a baby and change diapers!
For example, if you’re subject to any kind of tear following vaginal delivery, you bleed constantly at an alarming rate for an extended period of time. Like, for over a week. Or two. Or three. And that, immediately following delivery, it’s A LOT of constant blood. Which makes sense because you just pushed a child out of you. But it was jarring to me because the bleeding lasted for quite a bit of time–like the entire time I was in the hospital and for a while when I got home, too. I had a second degree tear which wasn’t nearly as bad as fourth degree tears some women endure but was no fun nonetheless!
Here is the donut pillow I sat on for several weeks after delivery! It was a gift from my aunt and a godsend!
And then, once I got home, where family, groceries, and meal train meals from our generous church family were!, I needed to sit on heat packs, ice packs, donut pillows, and cushions daily for at least three weeks to make the pain subside. And I also needed to take Advil and Tylenol on an alternating basis for at least three weeks to keep the pain at bay–and even then, on constant Advil / Tylenol, I still had uterine and back cramping that didn’t subside even with pain pills. I wasn’t about to ask for a narcotic, but the pain was intense enough at times that I thought I could have because even with constant alternating Advil / Tylenol the pain didn’t totally go away. So, as I bled through several pads a day and battled fatigue and postpartum headaches, my uterus continued to contract for approximately a week after delivery as well which felt like the worst menstrual cramps of my life.
Even though I had horrible back and stomach cramping during postpartum, I forced myself to walk several times a week just to be out and getting my blood flowing! Here is me and my dad out for a walk with Zephaniah strapped to me in his carrier!
And, because I had an epidural, my back hurt terribly at the site of the epidural if I walked more than 20 feet. This pain shot nerve pains all over my abdomen and triggered uterine cramps which exacerbated the nausea I was already feeling. The nausea was pretty strange because it was worse than the worst morning sickness I experienced during pregnancy, but after a bit of looking around on various pregnancy health sites (like Mayo Clinic’s), I discovered nausea can be a side effect of Pitocin, which I had plenty of due to being induced! I’m still nauseous sometimes which is kind of crazy almost 3 months out from delivery but hormonal regulation doesn’t totally get back to normal until 6 months postpartum sometimes. So I pray and wait! (At almost 3 months out, I’ve started elliptical again and am lifting dumbbells. I start pelvic floor therapy next week to regain some core strength, too!)
In addition to all of this physical strife, postpartum recovery involves plenty of emotional mood swings. Like, crying all the time. For me, that was about 4 times per day, and it can come on suddenly. When I cried, it felt largely due to an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I was grateful to have survived childbirth, to have given birth to a healthy baby boy, and to have an incredibly supportive husband, family, and support system.
Here we are about 2 weeks postpartum!
I am also grateful to have a formula to feed him and that I survived breast cancer so I could be here to help raise him alongside my husband. I am still incredibly grateful, and now, I’m 3 months out from delivery and don’t cry every day anymore. Now, it’s more like once a week. Which means my hormones are regulating. Which I also don’t take for granted!
Like my twin sister learned in her Breast Cancer Boot Camp with a Mayo Clinic psychologist: “Tears honor things that are meaningful to us.” This truth plus encouragement from my husband, family, and friends that reminded me crying constantly would only last a season, gets me through!!
Here is Zephaniah at 2.5 months, basically holding his own bottle!
Next steps!
Just over a month into parenthood, we’re grateful for God’s faithfulness and the great cloud of witnesses encouraging us along the way. 🙂 I have learned a LOT from the ~60 other breast cancer survivors who also received a Bobbie sponsorship for the formula, and LOVE having friends and family feed him bottles when we have visitors! Our Baby Brezza is a godsend as well–it makes bottles for us in 5 seconds or less!!!
Looking back briefly and looking ahead, here are some brief historical highlights and our next steps!:
October 2021: My twin sister completed “Breast Cancer Boot Camp” with a Mayo Clinic psychologist for her cancer survivorship journey and made some great fellow cancer survivor warrior friends through that program. She has gained a lot of mechanisms that will help her (and the rest of us!) with her survivorship heading into the future!
November 2021: Zephaniah Jon was born! And I became a breast cancer survivor mama!
Here’s my baby sister outside Mayo where she got an “all clear” at her most recent preventative screening!
January 2022: Our youngest sister had her clinical exam and ultrasound with our Breast Clinic doctor on January 4th, 2022; she got the “all clear!” and will be back in July for more screening!
January 2022: My twin sister started her “timed break” from Tamoxifen and will check in with her oncologist and gynecological oncology team before she starts IVF in April 2022!
February 9th, 2022: Our youngest sister is due with her first baby (it’s a girl!)
April 2022: My twin sister and I both have ovarian cancer screening checkups at Mayo. Then, my twin sister starts the IVF process with a fertility clinic in the city; I have my next follow-up appointment with our doctor at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic!
We are so thankful to be where we are and for the great cloud of witnesses supporting and encouraging us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It truly does take a village to become parents, and we don’t take one blessing for granted! God has given us Zephaniah as a little ray of sunshine to be part of my breast cancer survivorship journey from here. And for that, we are grateful 🙂
This blog post is the 40th in a series about my (and twin sister’s) breast cancer journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. In 2019, I also started documenting our younger sister’s breast cancer previvorship journey. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Before getting into the thick of this post, I wanted to celebrate the fact it’s BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!!! First: In honor of this month, here’s a video of a speech that my twin sister and I gave at the American Cancer Society Minnesota’s 2nd Annual ResearcHERS Luncheon last week explaining our journey through breast cancer diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship! We start talking at the 36 minute mark in the video below:
My twin sister and I start sharing our story at the 36 minute mark in this video!
Or, you can watch the speech as my dad filmed it from his iPhone below:
It was awesome to be able to share about our experience with a room full of award-winning researchers and donors and to meet some incredible researchers dedicating their lives to discovering new cancer diagnosis and treatment protocols and doctors treating cancer patients on a daily basis. God is good!!!
Second!: Our dad (pictured above) is the co-chair of the American Cancer Society Minnesota’s “Real Men Wear Pink” 2021 campaign, and you can donate to his campaign at this link (he’s already raised over $3,000 of his $10,500 goal)! Thank you to those who have already donated to the cause!!
Here’s the whole family after the Chris Steinke Breast Cancer Awareness Facebook and Instagram Live Fireside Friday Concert on October 8th! ICYMI, watch us play and sing at this link! 🙂
Third!: My husband and I co-hosted a live music evening celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness and my dad’s “Real Men Wear Pink” campaign over on the Chris Steinke Facebook page last night (pictured above!). In case you missed it, here’s a link to the “show!”
Now, onto our latest updates from our latest trip to Mayo Clinic in Rochester!:
Praise!: I’m 9 months pregnant (due with a baby boy due October 25th!), and, 2 years after my DCIS diagnosis and 5 months after a cancer recurrence scare and biopsy, have no signs of cancer recurrence! Also, my youngest sister is 21 weeks pregnant with a girl and, as a 27-year-old breast cancer previvor, has no signs of cancer, either!! God is good!!
Praise!: Two years after our double mastectomies with direct-to-implant reconstruction, my twin sister and I have “graduated” from regular plastic surgery checkups at Mayo Clinic! We’ll go back if we have any trouble with our implants at all and, if we don’t have any problems, we’ll go back in 2024, 5 years after our original surgeries, for MRIs to make sure our implants are still healthy. If they’ve ruptured or are leaking, it will be time to exchange them (which, statistically, happens to women approximately every 7-10 years).
Praise / Prayer Request!: My twin sister is in her 6th month of remission from breast cancer treatment(s) with no recurrence!! Last month, she was experiencing some dizziness, vertigo, blurred/double vision, and occasional panic attacks, but after a Brain MRI and remission checkup with her oncologist, she has discovered those symptoms are NOT CANCER!!! Instead of being a cancer recurrence, the dizziness, vertigo, blurred/double vision, and occasional panic attacks my twin sister was experiencing turned out to be a result of generalized anxiety/panic largely due to a combination of life circumstances. While we are praising the Lord for no more cancer, we are praying for my twin sister’s fears and anxieties to be calmed and for her continued health and healing as she kicks off “Breast Cancer Survivor Boot Camp” at the Mayo Clinic via Zoom next week!!!
Praise!: In addition to her 4-month remission checkup, my twin sister also had an ovarian ultrasound and saw her gynecological oncology team for an exam. All was clear there, too, praise the Lord!
Praise / Prayer Request!: My twin sister and her husband got the green light from her oncologist to take a timed break from her daily dose of Tamoxifen in 2022 to conceive using IVF. Prayers are appreciated for their health and discernment as they move forward with family planning later this year!!
Ultimately, we have several praise reports to share from our most recent exams at Mayo’s Plastic Surgery Department and Breast Clinic and from and my twin sister’s 4-month remission checkup, brain MRI, and checkup with her gynecological oncology team! But, all of these praises don’t come without recognition that cancer survivorship comes with plenty of mountains and valleys. Our “all clear” appointments plus my twin sister’s recent experiences through panic, anxiety, and fear of recurrence–in addition to glimpses of hope provided by God-given medical practitioners and the faithful love of the Lord!–are described in detail throughout this post.
Here we are ready to hit the road for a day full of appointments at Mayo Clinic Rochester: With Plastic Surgery and the Breast Clinic!
Celebrating Plastic Surgery Graduation!
Two years after our double mastectomies with direct-to-implant reconstruction, my twin sister and I have “graduated” from regular plastic surgery checkups at Mayo Clinic! We are convinced our plastic surgeon is the best plastic surgeon at Mayo Clinic for a number of reasons including the fact she wore a bright pink suit for our appointments this week and agreed to take a photo with us in our Mayo superfan tshirts as a “graduation photo” (pictured above at the top of this post and also below–we got posted on the Mayo Clinic Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery Instagram page! :)).
Here is a photo our plastic surgeon shared on the Mayo Clinic Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery social media pages!!
We discussed the biopsy I had in April 2021 that ended up being benign fat necrosis. When I let my plastic surgeon and her resident know the biopsy site still hurts quite a bit and that I still experience some shooting/stinging aches and pains across my chest about once a week, she let me know that’s totally normal with fat necrosis / scar tissue and I just need to make sure to keep doing self-exams and clinical checkups with our breast clinic doctor to make sure there are no areas of tissue growing because “cancer grows. Scar tissue doesn’t.”
Our doctor also recommended that I potentially do physical therapy to help with those pains I’ve been experiencing due to scar tissue buildup. That’s something I’ll probably look into!
One final thing my plastic surgeon was pleased to find on physical exam was that my implants have maintained their integrity throughout pregnancy. Apparently, sometimes pregnancy can cause capsular contracture due to all the changing and shifting in body tissues, so she was thrilled everything is still looking good!
When it was time for my twin sister’s exam, they discussed how she’s been doing since her operation in 2020 and our doctor said that both of us are “looking great!”
She was pleased to hear we are being tracked closely by our Mayo Breast Clinic doctors! We’ll go back to see her if we have any trouble with our implants at all. If we don’t have any problems, we’ll go back in 2024, 5 years after our original surgeries, for MRIs to make sure our implants are still healthy. When we go back to see her in 2024, if our implants have ruptured or are leaking, it will be time to exchange them (which, statistically, happens to women approximately every 7-10 years). While some people need new implants every few years, according to our doctor, some patients’ implants are totally fine after decades! We will see what the status is in 2024 and are hoping everything is great until then!
Here we are on the way to our plastic surgery and Breast Clinic appointments!
Pregnancy and Breast Cancer Previvorship
Our youngest sister is a 27-year-old breast cancer previvor (center in the above photo). She is currently 21 weeks pregnant with her first child (a girl due in February 2022!), and is going through preventative breast cancer screenings at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. She started her journey of preventative MRIs, ultrasounds, and breast biopsies in 2019, and is still breast cancer free after her latest checkin with her Breast Clinic doctor in October 2021! Everything looked “normal and healthy” on physical exam and her breast biopsy site from December 2019 has even almost disappeared. 🙂
She’s been seeing our Breast Clinic doctor for 3-month clinical exams during her pregnancy to keep a close eye on things and is having targeted ultrasound checks every 6 months as well. Her next ultrasound and clinical exam will be in January 2022, right before her delivery in February 2022!, to make sure everything is looking good before she returns in summer 2022 to do another breast MRI (which, according to our doctors, is the “gold standard” for breast cancer detection).
Pregnancy and Survivorship
In April 2021 I had to have a biopsy on the left side of my chest for what appeared on physical exam and ultrasound imaging to be a potential cancer recurrence. It ended up being fat necrosis, or scar tissue, which we were so thankful for! On physical exam this time, there were no areas of concern, and no need for further imaging or biopsies right now! I was thrilled! I’ll go back for another clinical exam in March 2022.
One of the best parts of our checkups with our Breast Clinic doctor this week was that our Breast Clinic doctor changed into the tshirt we bought for her (and all of our Mayo doctors!!) for our appointment(s) We were SO excited to see her in her “superfan” shirt!!! 🙂
To celebrate our great appointments my twin sister and I played our favorite piano duet in the Gonda Building lobby per our tradition to the amusement of several spectators 🙂
Here are my twin sister and her husband at Mayo in Rochester in September 2021, all ready for her brain MRI @ 6am!
Panic, Anxiety, Remission, and Brain MRIs
In early September, my twin sister went to Mayo Clinic for a remission checkup with her oncologist. To start off her day, she had a brain MRI to investigate some symptoms she’d been experiencing for a month including dizziness, vertigo, blurred/double vision, and occasional panic attacks. (Her husband brought her down for her scan, pictured above!)
It all started about two months ago, when my twin sister said she wasn’t “feeling right.” She said that, one day while she was driving home from work, she got to a stoplight and started to get hot. Goosebumps rose up on her neck and she felt like everything around her was moving or shifting but she wasn’t moving. She felt like there was a disconnect between her position and everything around her. As she continued driving, she was pretty light headed and dizzy.
She told me she felt like something inside of her “broke,” and that, ever since then, she felt cognitively off balance like she could pass out at any time. Since then, on an ongoing basis, she was experiencing those symptoms.
She also had some double vision while looking at computer at work that same week, and woke up a couple nights that week with panic attacks. “This is very unlike me,” she said. “I feel like I’m not firing on all cylinders and that’s frustrating because I feel slower at my job and with my family. I feel like something’s wrong. Like I had a stroke.”
So our entire family encouraged her to send her oncologist a message to explain all of this, which she did. My twin sister explained how she was worried these symptoms may signify a cancer recurrence in her brain or central nervous system, and asked him for guidance. He ordered her a brain MRI for the same day as her appointment with him so he could interpret the images before their in-person meeting.
Unfortunately, brain cancer and anxiety/panic disorders have a lot of the same symptoms, so we weren’t quite sure what to make of the situation besides trusting that God had a perfect plan. Our entire family was pretty nervous waiting the week until the brain MRI and her oncology appointment. One night that week I woke up crying, and realized there was a song playing in my head: “Battle Belongs” by Phil Wickham. The chorus goes like this:
When I fight I will fight on my knees with my hands lifted high
Oh God, the battle belongs to you
Every fear I lay at your feet
I’ll sing through the night
Oh God, the battle belongs to you
As I woke up, my cheeks were wet with tears, and I realized that, by playing that song in my head, God was telling me straight up that my sister’s battle was HIS, not mine. Just like the song says, “nothing can stand against the power of our God.” It wasn’t my job to worry about my sister–but instead to trust that God was fighting this battle for her and had this all under control.
Emboldened by this promise that God had things under control :), I started texting our prayer warriors: “I wanted to ask if you guys could pray today / tomorrow for Steph’s 4-month breast cancer check-up with her oncologist tomorrow morning at Mayo and because of some dizziness, vertigo and double vision she’s been experiencing for a few weeks now her oncologist ordered a brain MRI to make sure there’s nothing serious going on! She’s pretty freaked (we all are) and has been asking specifically for prayers for a “super boring MRI and checkup” and that just like her hip a few months ago that there would be “a clear and non-serious-and-non-cancer-related explanation for all this!!” Her appointments will be over by tomorrow afternoon so I will send an update tomorrow when we know what’s going on!! Thanks so much for your prayers and encouragement… they mean the world!!”
The night before her test, my sister said she was nervous but had peace knowing that she would have the test over with soon and she’d know exactly what was going on. I reminded her that the army of gnomes in the MRI tube that I met the first time I had an MRI was waiting to say hi!! 🙂 So off she and her husband went to a 6am MRI followed by a day full of Mayo appointments like they’d done so many times before!!
Here goes my twin sister into her brain MRI bright and early at 6am!
What a Brain MRI is Like
For those who are curious, this is what my twin sister’s brain MRI was like. First of all, my twin sister has been through a breast MRI and a hip MRI in the past two years, and has now experienced a brain MRI, too. She didn’t know quite what to expect except that, after her scan, she’d know if she had brain cancer or had had a stroke at some point in the recent past that would have caused the anxiety and panic symptoms she was experiencing.
When she got back to the MRI tube, she had three nurses with her that got her prepped on her back on the table in a gown. She laid down on the MRI table as a plastic bracket covered by a sheet came up by her head and around her ears (for a look at what this looks like, check out this photo on Mayo’s website. #claustrophobia!!)
She put earplugs in, had a mask on because of #covid, had to put earmuffs over her earplugs and laid back on the table as a heavy, metal-looking “storm trooper” mask came down and locked into the plastic constraint.
Essentially, her head was locked into a box, she couldn’t hear, and could hardly breathe. Thankfully, her nurses were friendly!, and they gave her a comforting pat on her leg as she got shot back into the MRI tube–which she said felt kind of like the Mission:Space ride at Disney World (haha).
My sister told me she made the mistake of opening her eyes and looking up at one point. She saw the mask and the plastic cage and the lid of the MRI only a few inches above her face, and she was acutely aware she was in a small enclosed space and her head was locked in a box. It was then she said she realized why they sedate people or put blindfolds on people for tests like these. Ha!
When the first set of images was complete, they shot her out of the tube and got the Gadalinium IV contrast started. Then they shot her back in for a last round of imaging. She said she tasted a little metal when the contrast started but other than that everything was fine! Then it was over!
At one point she said she was considering pushing the panic button but realized all that would do was postpone the inevitable. She was going to have to finish this test and by golly if she hit that panic button she would just have to go right back in! So she mustered up all the courage she could and kept herself in that tube!
Thumbs up all around as we were SO EXCITED for her wonderful oncology appointment with no signs of cancer at 6 months post-chemo!!!
Receiving the “ALL CLEAR!”
Waiting for the oncology appointment to interpret my sister’s brain MRI felt like forever.
Even though we were all freaked out–and reminded of the times my sister had an ovarian cancer scare in fall 2020 and a hip metastases scare this past spring–her brain MRI ultimately ended up being the best thing that could have happened because it gave us a clear baseline image of everything going on in her brain–which turned out to be totally nothing out of the ordinary, praise God!!!
When we finally got called back into my sister’s oncology appointment, a doctor–but not her oncologist–walked into the room. That made me nervous because I didn’t know who he was.
He came in and sat down and said he was working with my sister’s oncologist–it turns out he was a resident who got to meet with my sister before her oncologist did.
He sat down and introduced himself and asked my sister to explain what was going on. I wanted to scream: “CAN YOU JUST TELL US WHAT THE MRI SAID??!!!!!”
She summarized her symptoms from the past month or so for a few minutes and then, mercifully!, the doctor said:
“I’ll give you the good news: The MRI showed no evidence of brain disease. It was negative for stroke and TIA. Now that we found out what it’s not, we’re going to try to figure out what it IS!”
“PRAISE GOD!!!!” I exclaimed. My dad started clapping in the corner of the exam room. My sister’s husband fist pumped the air. We were SO relieved it wasn’t a brain trauma or cancer related!!!!!
“I’m going to go discuss all of this with your oncologist and we’ll be right back!” the doctor said.
When they both came back in the room, the resident and her oncologist took another 20 minutes to ask her questions and conduct a physical exam.
At the end of everything, her oncologist and the resident agreed that, because of the recent stress she’d been under at work, in selling her house and buying a new one, and heading into her 4-month remission visit with her oncologist at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, her symptoms were likely the result of anxiety or panic.
“I hear this all the time–my patients go through such an intense period of chemotherapy treatments with no time to process things that only later does a lot of stuff come up, especially after infusions stop and there’s all that stuff left over to work through,” my sister’s oncologist told her.
To address her (noncancerous!!!) symptoms, over the past few weeks, my twin sister has had appointments with doctors including: a) her oncologist, b) an integrative medical specialist, c) nutritionist, d) physical therapist, e) chiropractor, and f) counselor. She is seeing a local counselor on a regular basis and starts “Breast Cancer Boot Camp” with a psychologist at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, in October 2021, so prayers are appreciated for those appointments as she goes through them.
Thanks to awesome appointments with all of these God-given medical practitioners, she’s discovered she’s been struggling with anxiety/panic rather than anything purely physical, and is on the road to healing!
My sisters and I are SO thankful for our care team at Mayo Clinic and we will go back and see Mayo in 2022!!!
Next steps!
Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragement!! Breast cancer previvorship and survivorship definitely isn’t for sissies. We’re grateful for God’s faithfulness and the great cloud of witnesses encouraging us along the way. 🙂
Here are our next steps:
October 2021: My twin sister starts “Breast Cancer Boot Camp” with a Mayo Clinic psychologist for her cancer survivorship journey! Also, my baby is due October 25th!
January 2022: Our youngest sister has her next clinical exam and ultrasound with our Breast Clinic doctor; my twin sister will start her “timed break” from Tamoxifen; my twin sister will check in with her oncologist and gynecological oncology team before she starts IVF.
February 2022: Our youngest sister is due with her first baby (it’s a girl!)
March 2022: My twin sister starts the IVF process with a fertility clinic and I have my next follow-up appointment with our doctor at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic!
Breast cancer screenings may not be fun but we are grateful we get to do them together 🙂
This blog post is the 39th in a series about my (and twin sister’s) preventative breast cancer screening journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Being pregnant is stressful enough in and of itself. Bringing a little life into the world is no small thing! Doing it as a breast cancer survivor is anxiety inducing because estrogen and progesterone–two hormones that surge during pregnancy–are two hormones that my breast cancer thrived on. Taking this into consideration, I’m being watched carefully by my OBGYN and by my Mayo Clinic Breast Clinic care team(s).
I’m grateful I’m being watched carefully, but that also comes with a roller coaster of emotions. During my 8-week pregnancy physical exam at my OBGYN, she found an “area of concern” on the left side of my chest that she wanted my Mayo Clinic care team to take a look at.
Mayo Clinic took a look, agreed the area of concern on the left side of my chest was “suspicious,” and ordered me an ultrasound to investigate further followed by an ultrasound-guided biopsy. That biopsy ultimately came back negative for breast cancer (WOOHOO!), but the trusting God in the waiting for all of that was incredibly challenging and painful. We are so grateful for my negative test result and do not take that mercy for granted!
So here we are: I’m 32 years old and 18 weeks pregnant as an 18-month DCIS breast cancer survivor. In this post, I want to share how my breast cancer surveillance during pregnancy has unfolded so far in hopes it’s encouraging to breast cancer survivors and their families, friends, and communities everywhere! So, this is the story of my breast cancer screening during pregnancy so far.
Here is the first ultrasound photo we received of our baby at 8 weeks!
Praise!: I am 18 weeks pregnant and baby is strong and looking healthy!
Praise!: I have now had all of the kinds of breast biopsies Mayo Clinic has to offer, and my most recent biopsy was negative for recurrent breast cancer! My ultrasound-guided needle biopsy of a 13mm x 7mm “area of concern” on the left side of my chest in May ended up being “benign fat necrosis,” praise the Lord! This is my third breast biopsy after my stereotactic core biopsy in August 2019 and my MRI biopsy in October 2019, which both ended up leading to DCIS diagnoses. I don’t take this “all clear” for granted!
All of the details about my pregnancy, ultrasound-guided biopsy, and what pregnancy surveillance as a breast cancer survivor look like are included in the ~5,000-word blog post below. Thanks so much for your continued prayers and encouragement as my husband and I navigate these uncharted waters!!
Here are the (three!) pregnancy tests I took that showed I was pregnant for sure!
Our Pregnancy Test(s) and Announcements
I took a pregnancy test on February 18, 2021, and it looked positive based on what the stick diagram was telling me. I screamed at my husband who was in the shower to look. He stuck his head out of the shower full of soap and water. He squinted and looked at the test and said, “Take another one!!!”
So I took another one.
That one was positive too.
Then my husband said “Wow! I think we’re going to have a baby!”
We prayed together and then he went to work.
I took one more pregnancy test to make it an even three, then I FaceTimed my family panicking and wondering what I should do next. They recommended I call my OBGYN and make an appointment, so I did!
Then I decided to call my extended family and let them know via FaceTime. I know lots of people take time to make fun and exciting baby announcements, but to be honest, I was feeling more stressed than creative and just wanted everyone at that point to know what was going on so they could pray for us!! As I mentioned earlier, being a breast cancer survivor and becoming pregnant is pretty anxiety-inducing, so we appreciate all the prayers we can get! 🙂
Our baby’s first photo at our 8 week ultrasound: “BABY!”
My First OBGYN Checkup
I had my first ultrasound and appointment at my OBGYN on March 17th, 2021, right around 8 weeks. I couldn’t believe I had to wait 8 weeks to go see my baby doctor but I guess that’s how they do it nowadays!
My first OBGYN checkup was pretty cool. My husband got to come, and we got to see our baby for the first time! It was approximately 2cm big, and it was just chillin’ on the ultrasound screen (pictured above). Then I went to my physical exam, which included a urine sample, them taking a bunch of blood, and asking questions about my medical history. It took me about a half hour to explain all of my surgical and cancer history, they asked some questions, then conducted a physical exam.
Everything was looking good, except for a small spot on the left side of my chest that my doctor said felt a bit “different” than the other tissue she was feeling.
“When is the next time you’re going to see your breast doctor at Mayo?”
“I’m scheduled to see her in June!”
“Could you get an appointment with her sooner? It would be great if you could see her at some point during the first trimester!”
“Sure! I’ll send her a note and get all set to see her soon.”
I wasn’t too concerned, but was excited to go see my breast clinic doctor at Mayo. It’s always good to see her!
Here are my twin sister and me in our matching “Team Mayo” tshirts ready to check in for my Breast Clinic appointment at Mayo Clinic Rochester Gonda 2!
Preparing For My First Pregnancy Checkup @ Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic
I scheduled my first pregnancy checkup with my doctor at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic for April 26th because my OBGYN was very interested in me seeing her ASAP to check things out. I would have gone earlier but my April schedule was a little nuts and when I explained everything to my Mayo doctor through the patient portal, she said “Congrats!!!!!” and that an April 26th visit at 14 weeks pregnant would be just fine.
Plus, my breast clinic appointment ended up being the same day as my twin sister’s first remission visit with her oncologist, so I got to go with her to that appointment and she was able to come to my appointment with my husband and me! (You can read all about my twin sister’s hip pain, oncology appointment and MRI that showed NO CANCER at this link!! :))
The night before my Mayo Clinic appointment, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I was excited to go back to Mayo, but I was nervous that my OBGYN had found an “area of concern” they wanted my breast clinic doctor to investigate. I also had a sneaking suspicion that I would need to have advanced imaging of that area of concern. In a majority of my breast cancer screening experiences, advanced imaging often leads to biopsies, which then tend to lead to breast cancer diagnoses.
What was the worst case scenario? That I had recurrent breast cancer at 14 weeks pregnant. I tried not to think about that too much as I focused on God’s goodness in delivering my twin sister from her corneal cysts and recurrent breast cancer and how grateful I was to be under some of the best medical care in the world. My family tried to keep my mind off things too by buying me a banana split from Culver’s (it’s healthy, cuz it’s fruit :)).
Here is my husband, my twin sister and her husband, and me, ready to head into my Mayo Clinic checkin!
My First Pregnancy Checkup @ Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic
When we arrived at Mayo’s Breast Clinic Monday afternoon, to welcome my Mayo doctor into the exam room, we did the wave! We started with my sister at the end of the couch, then my husband, then me. She saw us and laughed.
Then she got to her desk and exclaimed, “Congratulations!!!,” and gave me a big bear hug.
My husband and I said, “Thank you!!”
She asked how I was feeling. I said tired and kinda nauseous but that I was glad to be at 14 weeks now, which means I was excited to be hitting second trimester, because I had heard that things start getting better at second trimester! She said, “Well, you should be feeling better, but I was exhausted for my entire third pregnancy! The exhaustion never went away!”
And I said, “Well, you were also raising two other young kids, plus working full time! So that probably had something to do with it!”
She smiled.
“Do you know the gender?” she asked.
“Not yet!,” I said. “We’ll find out June 11th then we’ll hit exploding golf balls at a gender reveal to show what gender it is.”
She laughed and said, “Don’t cause a lawsuit!”
We said we would do our best to avoid that. 🙂
Here I am with my husband and twin sister waiting for our breast clinic doctor to come in and see us!
My First Pregnancy Clinical Breast Exam
“So your OB found something on physical exam? What exactly was it?” my doctor asked.
“Yeah, so on my left side she found some tissue that felt different than the other tissue around it. And she couldn’t find it on the right side. I can’t feel it myself, but you guys are the experts, so I’ll let you see what you think,” I said.
“Let’s take a look!”
While I was getting changed, she commented on our bright pink “Team Mayo!” shirts that we were wearing and that we’d made for all of our Mayo doctors in 2019:
“I am so mad!! I set out my pink tshirt on top of my dresser last night and I was going to bring it to change into for your appointment today and I forgot it!! I really wanted to do that!”
We laughed and said, “Wow! We’re flattered you still have the shirt and it’s not in a trash can!”
And she said, “Of course not!”
And we said, “Well there’s always next time! Maybe we will just buy you another one to keep in your office for opportunities like this, haha!”
Then I was ready for my exam. For the exam she wasn’t feeling anything on the right side. Then, on the left side, she said the left lymph nodes felt “normal.” Then she asked if anything felt tender and it didn’t.
Then she examined the left side of my chest where the OBGYN had pointed something out and said: “I do feel a small something here. The good news is this area is soft and not hard. But I’m not feeling it on the other side. The one thing we can do is put an ultrasound on it to make sure nothing is going on here.”
My heart sank. I wasn’t very excited to hear I’d need to get an ultrasound. In my breast cancer history, my ultrasounds tend to lead to biopsies, which tend to lead to cancer diagnoses. But I trusted my Mayo doctors 100% and knew I’d be heading into advanced screening later that week, hoping for the best!
So I looked at her and said, “I’m down for whatever you think is best!”
“One thing it could be is leftover tissue from the surgery on that side, or it could be something nodular,” she said. “We will do an ultrasound to figure that out! I’m not going to take any risks with you.”
I was a little bit encouraged by that–maybe it was some tissue that got left behind during my double mastectomy! But I think my surgeon would be insulted if she’d left any tissue behind so I was kind of confused as to whether or not it might be that. I tried not to think about the worst option: That I had recurrent breast cancer at 14 weeks pregnant.
Then, at the end of my exam, I asked her three more questions about breast cancer recurrence and pregnancy:
Q: Does risk for breast cancer recurrence increase with every pregnancy?
A: No, it actually decreases every pregnancy, because as you get farther away from the time you had DCIS, chance of recurrence gets less and less. Recurrence would happen sooner after your first diagnosis. Also, if there were any estrogen receptor cells in your system, they would have been woken up by your first pregnancy, so here we are checking things out!
Q: Alcohol and breast cancer recurrence: What are your thoughts?
A: American Cancer Society (ACS) says no alcohol, and other standard medical societies say 3 drinks per week. So let’s keep it somewhere between there.
Q: Would full genome sequencing at this time be beneficial?
A: Yes, but we don’t want any false leads, like, “This could mean this,” so I might want you to meet with a genomic MD instead of a specialist to make sure you’re doing the best thing with a 350-gene genetic panel. I don’t want it to be a waste of time! I’ll send a note to them to see what their thoughts are.
So we’re waiting to hear from our doctor whether a full genome sequence would be a good use of our time and blood.
Then, as we checked out and got my ultrasound scheduled, my doctor said, “Okay! Let’s plan to see you back in 5 to 6 months, depending on what the ultrasound shows. Then, I’ll want to see you 3 months after that. Because I DEFINITELY want to meet the baby!!!”
Here I am (with baby on board!), ready to head into my ultrasound scan that my Breast Clinic doctor ordered for me to investigate an “abnormal” and “suspicious” 13mm x 7mm lump on the left side of my chest!
Three days later, the same day I had my ultrasound scan at Mayo, my twin sister had a hip MRI scheduled. We, along with our family and friends, were pretty much freaking out about these two tests because both of them could show that both of us had recurrent breast cancer–or that something else was going on. We’d alerted all of our prayer warriors to pray for us because we were really hoping for negative test results!
Two of our good friends from church stopped by my sister’s house before our departure to Mayo with Starbucks coffee for us and to pray for us and for our family. I cried like a baby as they prayed, which was therapeutic and exhausting. Then we hugged everybody and told them we loved them. (I wasn’t able to get a selfie because I was a blubbering mess.) Then we took off!
My twin sister’s oncologist had ordered an MRI to investigate some intense pain she’d been experiencing for the past month in case it might be a cancer recurrence in her hip. HALLELUJAH praise the Lord, it just turned out to be a “labral tear,” not more cancer! So we were thrilled! (Her hip MRI story is at this blog post link.) One prayer answered!!!
Then it was my turn–to go to an ultrasound. My ultrasound tech was also a twin! She told me all about her sister and congratulated me on my pregnancy and asked if we knew the gender. I said not until 20 weeks, on June 11th we would find out, then we’d hit exploding golf balls at a gender reveal party. She thought that was funny.
She took about 30 minutes to take some photos and then said she was going to confer with the radiology team and she’d be right back. 10 minutes passed, then 15, then 20. Then 25.
“Uh oh,” I thought to myself. I tried to distract myself by taking some selfies with a photo in the room I thought was pretty, of the sun shining through trees in a shaded path through the woods.
Here I am in my toga robe waiting for the radiologists with a pretty picture behind me of the sun shining through a path in the woods!
Ultrasound Results: Time For (another!) Breast Biopsy
After 25 minutes, two radiologists came in with my ultrasound technician.
“Oh no!!!” I thought to myself when I saw not one, but two!, radiologists. Last time they sent two radiologists in to see me, it was back in 2019 after my first “suspicious” mammogram when it took two radiologists to recommend I go to biopsy. That biopsy ultimately ended in my breast cancer diagnosis (you can read all about that experience in the post at this link). Oh well, I thought, let’s see what God’s up to here!
“Hello!” radiologist #1 said.
“How are you today?” radiologist #2 said.
“Just fine, thank you!” I said.
“We’re just going to take turns taking a closer look at this spot here if that’s okay,” radiologist #2 said. “Also, congratulations on your pregnancy! How far along are you?”
And we exchanged pleasantries and baby basics while radiologist #1 took some photos. Then they switched while they talked about the dimensions and what they were looking at. After about 10 minutes of more photos, radiologist #2 said:
“So we are looking at about a 1cm spot here on your left side that might be a fat necrosis,” she said. “Given your history and the fact that you’re pregnant, though, we’re going to recommend a biopsy just to be sure. I don’t know if we can get that done today, but we’ll get you dressed then in touch with our scheduler to get you a spot on the calendar soon.”
“Okay, that sounds great!” I said.
I was more or less in shock at this point, and just wanted results ASAP. What did they mean, BIOPSY?! I didn’t even have breast tissue anymore, so what exactly were they looking at?! The thought that I actually might have recurrent breast cancer while pregnant was terrifying. I also knew then why I’d had that sinking feeling in my stomach the Sunday before my appointment on Monday: Jesus was preparing me to trust Him and buckle up for another wild ride!
I scheduled a biopsy for the soonest available which was the next morning. I’d been hoping it would be that afternoon but they assured me they were all booked up. I called my husband to make sure he could bring me back to Mayo again the next morning–this would be the third day of the week that he’d have to miss or be late to work!! :-/ He assured me it was fine so I scheduled the appointment.
Then I went out to my twin sister and our husbands in the Breast Clinic lobby and said, “Welp, I need a biopsy!” Their faces fell. They were shooketh. And they wanted me to get one that afternoon so I didn’t have to travel back or wait for another day. But I assured them I begged for an appointment that afternoon and there were none. Oh well, God had a reason for making me wait!! I thought. My sister told me that too.
Then the ultrasound report came in and read:
IMPRESSION: Suspicious heterogeneous mass/region measuring 1.3 cm in the left reconstructed breast
RECOMMENDATION: Biopsy Recommend ultrasound guided biopsy of the small suspicious heterogeneous mass/region in the left reconstructed breast Findings were discussed with the patient upon examinations completion and she is agreeable to return for ultrasound-guided biopsy.
ASSESSMENT: BI-RADS: 4: Suspicious.
The last time I had a Bi-Rads 4: Suspicious note on a radiology report, it turned out to be cancer. But I tried not to think about that heading into my Friday biopsy. What a wild ride!
Here is my baby sister who prayed with us and brought us Starbucks before we took off for my biopsy!
Preparing forMy Ultrasound-Guided Needle Breast Biopsy* at Mayo Clinic Rochester(*even though I don’t have breasts anymore. The irony!!)
I scheduled a biopsy for the next morning, Friday, April 30th, which was the soonest available appointment after Thursday afternoon. My entire family–and all of our prayer warriors–were very confused.
“A breast biopsy? But you don’t even have breasts?”
“What are they looking for?”
“I thought all your cancer was gone?”
Letting them know that the doctors really thought it might be just scar tissue but were being extra cautious because of my history and pregnancy was reassuring, but there were still lurking concerns in the back of everyone’s minds. Except my husband’s. Following the lead of my breast clinic doctor, he kept telling me and asserting that he was “not concerned at all” and “knows it’s nothing.” 🙂
That morning, my baby sister offered to bring my husband and I coffee for the road! So she dropped off our coffee and prayed with us before we headed out and enjoyed our Americanos on the way down while discussing what the heck was going on. Of course we knew this procedure was necessary, but it was so crazy to wrap our heads around what we and baby were going through!!!
Before we left, my baby sister said, “Mom and I talked and decided this is all happening because God wants us to trust Him more.”
That “trust” word is a tricky one! Trusting God in the good times and the not-so-good times–like times when you have to go in for a breast biopsy when you’re 14 weeks pregnant and don’t even have breasts anymore, just implants–makes it harder to say but it’s no less true!: God is (still) good all the time!
Here are my husband and me in the Gonda Building at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, arrived and heading upstairs for my breast biopsy on Gonda 2!
My Ultrasound-Guided Fine-Needle Breast Biopsy* at Mayo Clinic Rochester(*even though I don’t have breasts anymore. The irony!!)
I checked in for my breast biopsy at 9:30am, right on time. They called me back within 30 seconds, and I was off to the races! I was changed and checked in for my consent video in a matter of minutes–they must have been ahead of schedule!
As the checkin nurse dropped me off in my room and told me to watch the 2-3 minute video, I asked, “Do you have any popcorn available for these videos?”
She laughed and said, “Sure thing! I’ll go pop some right now!”
“This procedure comes with risk of rupture. Be sure to discuss this with your doctor.”
YIKES! I thought. This was my first breast biopsy with implants, so I wasn’t quite sure how this is going to go! I texted my husband and family quickly and they told me to bring up my implants with the doctors every five minutes.
When one of the radiologists came in, he explained the procedure to me and asked if I had any questions. I told him I’m pregnant and that I have implants, so if the procedure can get around both of those things, that would be fantastic. 🙂 He said that would be no problem. Then he asked if I needed to use the restroom (I did, because I’m pregnant, and I go to the bathroom at least twice an hour!). Then we headed into the procedure room!
When I arrived, there were two nurses. One of them was named Jennifer!
“That’s my sister’s name!” I said.
“Awesome!” she said.
We discussed the procedure, how long they’d each been at Mayo (3.5 and 43 years each!!), Minnesota sports teams, and my pregnancy until the doctor arrived. It turns out I was the only ultrasound breast biopsy of the morning! Maybe that meant my results would come back sooner!, I thought to myself.
“So, you’ve had nearly every biopsy we have to offer here,” one of the nurses said.
“I sure have!” I said. “I’m a seasoned veteran!”
The doctor chuckled in the corner, and asked if I had any questions for him before he started the procedure. I realized as he stood there and talked to me that he was the same doctor that did my lymph node biopsies in October 2019, and I was so excited! He’d done a great job with my lymph node biopsies, had been at Mayo over 30 years, and I was glad to see him again because the lymph node biopsy he did was the only negative biopsy I’ve had! 🙂
“Well, I have implanets, so I’d prefer you not pop them during the biopsy today,” I said. “I guess that’s not really a question.”
He smiled and said, “We’ll take special care to avoid those!”
I also said, “And I’m pregnant, so I brought a baby along with me today!”
He smiled again and said, “Excellent! I’m glad to have another spectator in the room!”
He was funny. I was grateful for that.
He came over and discussed the procedure with the other radiologist and nurses.
“You don’t mind if we talk about you while we work, do you?” he asked.
“I’d be insulted if you didn’t!,” I said.
“Okay! So we all agree this is the spot we’ll be working on today?” he asked.
“Yes,” all the doctors and nurses said in unison.
“You’ll see we are inserting the needle laterally here to take special care to avoid the implant,” he said. “We have about 2cm to work with.”
2 cm?!?! I thought. That’s not a whole lot of space!
Then he clicked the biopsy instrument for me so I’d know what it sounded like.
“I’ll count down for you,” he said. “3, 2, 1, then you’ll hear this <click>. I wanted you to hear it so you don’t get startled and jump!”
“Duly noted!,” I said. “I’ll stay totally still!”
I wasn’t about to move at all–even if I had a crick in my neck and my arm was falling asleep!–because I wanted to be sure to do my part to keep that needle far away from my implant! 2cm is not a whole lot of space to work with!!!!
He inserted the local anesthetic, which he said would burn. It hardly hurt at all. Then I felt nothing for the entire procedure.
He took 4 passes at my biopsy site, then they closed me up by applying pressure to the biopsy site and putting steri-strips over the top of the incision.
“You should have results in 2-3 business days,” my nurse said. “If you haven’t heard anything by Wednesday lunch, call us.”
“You bet!” I said.
I asked what I should do for pain, because I’m pregnant, and am trying to avoid painkillers.
“Definitely ice packs,” the nurse said. “You’d be surprised, you may not even need painkillers. Some patients are totally fine without them!”
So I hoped I’d be one of those patients who didn’t need them! And sure enough, I made it through the weekend without them. 🙂 Even while uninstalling and painting our front door (don’t tell my doctors!! ;))
God is good!!!
Here I am after conquering my third breast biopsy at Mayo Clinic, yay!!! Baby was along for the ride this time and did great!!
Trusting God While Waiting For Test Results
Last time I got a biopsy on a Friday at Mayo Clinic, I didn’t get results until the next Friday (you can read all about that experience at this link). Waiting that entire week for results was killer. Because this most recent biopsy happened on a Friday, I buckled up for a week-long wait this time, too.
But my hopes had been high that I might hear something the same day of my test–after all, if it was fat necrosis like they thought, shouldn’t those results come back super fast? 🙂 Also, the one and only time I’ve had a negative biopsy result, my doctor called the same day with those results. That was the only time I had a negative biopsy result and results came back super fast! So my heart jumped when I saw I had a new message in my patient portal from my doctor a few hours after my biopsy. It said:
Sorry to see that the area of concern looked abnormal enough to warrant a biopsy but glad we were able to get you in today. I anticipate results should be back Monday or Tuesday and will give you a call as soon as I receive them.
My heart sank. No results yet. But I only had to wait 2-3 business days, and I still had hope things would be okay! So I crafted a response:
Yay!! Thanks so much!! I look forward to seeing what’s going on!! This pregnancy thing is turning out to be much more exciting than I’d anticipated! Also this ultrasound guided biopsy was by far the favorite biopsy I’ve had. Quick and painless! Now I think I’ve had every single type of breast biopsy that exists! Hooray! Have a great weekend.
Then close of business Friday rolled around, and I got a little worried. No news today meant buckling up for an entire weekend. My husband helped keep me busy with some house projects like painting our front door a beautiful “Salty Dog” blue and playing on the worship team at church.
On Monday, my mind and time were occupied by a bunch of interviews I had lined up, which was a huge blessing. Then I watched baseball with my husband (MLBTV is the best :)) and played some video games (Mario Party on Nintendo Switch :)).
Tuesday rolled around, and I still hadn’t received any messages in my patient portal or calls from my doctor. Plus, I didn’t have any meetings on my work calendar. Yikes!
Because it had been 3 business days at this point, the text messages from my prayer warriors started to roll in.
“Any updates??”
“Any word on the results of your biopsy? Continuing to pray!”
The Elisabeth Elliot quote above came in from a friend via text too. I especially related to the line: “…for He has things to do in our souls that we are not interested in,” because that’s always been the case with me. I’ve always been told to “WAIT,” or to “Be Still.” These are biblical principles, yes!, but so hard for me, ever since my initial breast cancer diagnosis! Which is probably why God keeps asking me to do them. I laugh because if I didn’t, I’d cry. :’)
I initially resisted asking the “Why God?!” questions that come with the territory of waiting for test results. Eventually, around day 2 or 3, I started asking them, and I’m so glad I did.
As I laid down for a nap on day 3 of waiting (pregnancy has caused me to appreciate catnaps more than ever before in my life, haha), God told me (not audibly but you know what I’m saying!) that He just wants me to slow down and rest and appreciate life’s little things, trusting Him with a slower pace and blessings like my husband and baby on the way. This was a comforting revelation to have as it kept me from jumping to extremes and quieted my mind for a short time at least!
That revelation didn’t change my reality, though.
One of my good friends said she’d been waking up with a deep sick feeling in the pit of her stomach the entire week thinking I may have cancer again. My dad asked me what the worst case scenario we were looking at was. I told him, “Having cancer while pregnant. If I do have cancer, they can take it out surgically now, then I’ll do chemo after I deliver, and radiation if I need it. If that happens, I’ll just need extra help with the baby!” My dad said, “Okay! We will be prepared for that!”
Still Waiting…and Trusting God in Life’s Storms
Mid-day Tuesday, another friend and prayer warrior sent me a sermon from her church in Michigan about encountering Jesus in the middle of life’s storms (you can watch it embedded above and at this link).
At one point during his sermon, the pastor said: “When you encounter Jesus, you 1) learn more about Jesus and 2) learn more about who you can be with Jesus.”
As I continued watching the sermon, the pastor said:
“In life, you have storms. Some of them are very unexpected. It’s one call, when a doctor leaves a message on your voicemail that sounds urgent…”
And my phone started to ring. And I knew, based on the “507” area code, that it was my doctor. Based on what the preacher on the YouTube was saying, I was NOT going to let this call go to voicemail!!
Freaking out, I picked up the phone.
My Doctor Call and “All Clear!”
“Hello??” I said.
“Hi!” she said.
“How are you??” I asked.
“I’m good. So. It’s not cancer. It’s fat necrosis.” she said.
“HOLY CRAP!!!” I exclaimed in spite of myself. “I’m so relieved!! AAAAHHHH!!!”
She laughed and said, “You have NO idea how worried I’ve been this past week…”
As I (rudely) interrupted, “I have no idea?!?!”
She laughed.
“Well I guess you have an idea, it was your test after all…”
We both laughed.
“I just couldn’t figure out what was taking so long for results!,” she said, “So I finally called over there this afternoon and said, ‘Just tell me something!!!’ It turns out that the pathologists wanted to do some additional staining and testing just to be sure it was fat necrosis. It’s a 24 hour stain, so after those results come in, pathology will confer with radiology. Those final pathology and radiology results should be in by Thursday morning.”
“That makes sense,” I said. “So what are the chances things could change here?”
“None,” she said. “I’m certain it’s fat necrosis. They are just doing this extra staining out of an abundance of caution for you.”
“Well I appreciate they’re being thorough and all of that–but wow!” I said.
“And the—”
“What are the—”
“Sorry!”
“Sorry!”
As we talked over each other, I asked, “I was just going to say, what are the chances this could turn into cancer?”
“None,” she said. “It’s indolent.”
“Indolent?” I asked.
“Oh! Benign. Totally normal.” she said.
“I learned a new word today!” I said. “You’re expanding my vocabulary.”
She laughed.
“So, fat necrosis is when you have a mastectomy and scar tissue forms,” she explained. “The tissue can harden or shift and change, and this usually happens 1-2 years after the surgery. That’s where we’re at now. Believe it or not, we actually biopsy quite a bit of fat necrosis because it looks so suspicious on imaging. Biopsy is the only way to really figure out what’s going on, especially in a high risk case like yours.”
“So the tissue is just there and showed up now and could have been there since surgery?”
“Basically, yes.”
“Could it show up somewhere else too?”
“Potentially. With regard to follow up, there’s a chance they’ll want to see you back in 2-3 months for another ultrasound. Pathology is going to confer with radiology and come up with a recommendation. Depending on what they say, I’ll plan to see you back in 5-6 months, right at the beginning of third trimester!”
“Wow. That sounds great!! So I’ll wait for the final pathology and radiology reports but those shouldn’t show any surprises?”
“Right.”
“Then we’ll go from there!”
“Yes.”
“This is so excellent. Thank you so much!! This is the best message I could have received!!” I said.
“You’re welcome! Have a great night.”
“You too!”
Here is my husband, me, and our two puppies, Bear and Thor, excited for the new addition to the family!
Next Steps
The radiology and pathology results came back that Thursday as benign fat necrosis just like my doctor said they would. Radiology and pathology recommended “clinical management,” so I’m headed back to Mayo in September 2021 for another physical exam to keep an eye on things! Here is the official report:
PATHOLOGY: Fat necrosis
CATEGORY: Benign
RAD-PATH CONCORDANCE: Yes.
RECOMMENDATION: Clinical Management Further management to be based on clinical grounds with additional imaging as clinically appropriate.
ASSESSMENT: 8: Pathology Benign.
ASSESSMENT/PLAN
#1 Personal history of bilateral DCIS s/p bilateral mastectomies with reconstruction
#2 Negative germline genetic testing
#3 Lump left upper outer quadrant- corresponds to biopsy proven fat necrosis, concordant
#4 Second trimester of pregnancy
FINAL RECOMMENDATIONS: Clinical breast exam next due in September 2021. Breast self-awareness encouraged and the patient is advised to seek medical attention for any breast related concerns.
My doctor sent me a message in my portal to confirm:
“Hello!! The keratin stain was done and confirms benign fat necrosis. Pathology agrees this is concordant with what they see on imaging and recommends clinical follow-up. Therefore, I would like to see you back toward the end of September if you are able to make it then 🙂 Continue to monitor the area over the next several months. If you do notice significant changes, let me know and we may get you back sooner. Thanks!”
While we are VERY relieved to have these test results, the waiting game is one of the worst things in the world. Stress, sick feelings, and worst-case-scenarios are so real. I’m convinced the waiting is almost harder for empathetic prayer warriors (especially my mama!) than it even is for me!! I do understand, though, that the trial of trusting in the waiting brings a joy and peace at the end of the waiting that is vivid, tangible, and real.
God is good, and yes, He is good even with “bad” diagnoses.
God would have carried me and baby through this either way, but this “all clear” is a severe mercy that I don’t take for granted! Through this, God has reminded me of what’s truly important: Slowing down, trusting him, and appreciating the gifts I have in my husband and baby coming up.
To be honest, this whole crucible has made pregnancy seem like a cakewalk. BRING ON A NEWBORN!!!!
I am now 18 weeks pregnant, with OBGYN visits every 4 weeks for now and moving to 2 week visits after my 20 week checkup on June 11th. We will find out the baby’s sex on June 11th, too! Here are some praises and prayer requests heading into the summer:
Praise!: I’m 18 weeks pregnant and baby is looking strong and healthy! My delivery date is October 25th, 2021.
Prayer Request: That my twin sister and my’s breast cancers would stay far away and that we’d be protected and delivered from breast cancer forever!
Prayer Request: For my baby sister’s 6-month preventative breast cancer screening appointment and MRI coming up in July 2021 to be totally clear!
Prayer Request: For baby to continue growing strong and healthy, and for the sciatic nerve pain and flare-ups I’ve been experiencing to subside!
Praise & Prayer Request!: My twin sister and her husband got the green light from her oncologist to take a timed break from her daily dose of Tamoxifen in 2022 to conceive using IVF. Prayers are appreciated for their health and discernment as they move forward with family planning later this year!!
Bear and Thor wanted a close-up photo with the baby announcement so here they are!
This blog post is the 39th in a series about my (and twin sister’s) preventative breast cancer screening journey that began when we were 30 years old in July 2019. Here is a list of all of the posts written about our journey at Mayo Clinic’s Breast Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, to date. To keep tabs on new posts, sign up for the “A Daily Miracle” email list at this link. You can also follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Easter weekend has ended, but the spirit of the season remains. Christ is risen INDEED!, and that’s reason to celebrate. As I was perusing Facebook statuses and Tweets over Easter weekend, a few Easter e-cards made me chuckle.
1) The first, a depressing reality for many American Christians – who do you know who had a life-changing transformation by giving up chocolate for 40 days?
Of the people I know, people who ADDED something to their lives during Lent (being intentional in relationships, more time in solitude with Jesus, a specific Bible study, etc.) gained more from the experience than people who gave up a material good.
2) Anyway, the second card that caught my eye is below:
Oh, the woe of being a single lady in society today! There may be some perks to singleness, however. This lady should read my blog post about how I’m single and loving it in Chicago.
3) Most poignantly, what I discovered this Easter weekend is that Good Friday is not nearly as awesome as Easter Sunday is. As Easter weekend fades into memory, I came to realize that I plan to celebrate Christ’s resurrection EVERY day of every year. This is why:
“Now the cross never knows defeat, for it itself is Defeat, and you cannot defeat Defeat. You cannot break Brokenness. It starts with defeat and accepts that as a way of life. But in that very attitude it finds its victory. It never knows when it is defeated, for it turns every impediment into an instrument, and every difficulty into a door, every cross into a means of redemption. So I concluded, any people that would put the cross at the center of its thought and life would never know when it is defeated. It would have a quenchless hope that Easter morning lies just behind every Calvary.”
E. Stanley Jones
Translation: as Christians, we’re called to admit our defeat and brokenness every day of our lives. Why? So we can experience the quenchless hope that Easter morning brings each and every morning of our lives.
“Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.” –Psalm 54:4
What’s so good about Good Friday? For me, warm fuzzy feelings don’t accompany the gruesome reminder of Christ being beaten, flogged, and crucified for my sin. I know there are lessons to be learned from the cross, but the sole reason I’m able to make it through the dark nights that follow Jesus’ crucifixion is the promise the sun will rise on Easter Sunday. Good Friday, a day commemorated by Christians worldwide as the day Jesus gave his life up on the cross, has never been an enjoyable one for me.
This year, the day is especially depressing, mostly because two young men from the Wheaton College community passed away in the past week leading up to Resurrection Sunday. One of them, a Wheaton freshman named Graham Stevens, suddenly went into cardiac arrest during a game of capture the flag on Wheaton’s campus last weekend, and passed away in the hospital this past Tuesday. The other was a friend of mine, Josh French, who was on my “brother floor” during my freshman year, and died in a tragic car accident last Saturday, while he was on his way to visit his wife in Kansas City, Missouri.
Josh and I shared life in Fischer Dorm’s 4th floor, and he inspired me every day with the passion he had for life. Whenever I saw him, he was surrounded by people, and usually had a large, beaming smile on his face. He always walked with a bounce in his step, and was usually headed to the soccer fields to participate in intramurals or a pickup game. As his brother posted on his Facebook wall yesterday,
“I am comforted, today, knowing that Josh French is playing on the finest soccer field in heaven. GOD is good….”
During my junior year at Wheaton, I was able to capture some of Josh’s passion for soccer on film (see the video tribute to Josh here), and know Josh is definitely kicking it upstairs right now, with Jesus.
Both Graham and Josh’s deaths reminded me of the temporary lives we all have here on Earth, but our shared faith in Christ’s resurrection reassure me I’ll see them both in heaven. As our commencement speaker stated at my graduation ceremony at Wheaton College in 2011, that would be the last time all of us would be together on this side of heaven. Since that speech two years ago, two of my classmates have indeed left us behind, but I’m still inspired by the hope that comes with Christ’s resurrection, and know everything will be all right. Both Graham and Josh lived life to the fullest every day, and I have been inspired by them to do the same – until we meet again in paradise!
“Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” -Luke 23:43-
My friend Josh French, who was on my “brother floor” during our freshman year at Wheaton (2007-2008), died in a tragic car accident last Saturday, while he was on his way to visit his wife in Kansas City, Missouri. Josh inspired me every day with the passion he had for life. Whenever I saw him, he was surrounded by people, and usually had a large, beaming smile on his face. He always walked with a bounce in his step, and was usually headed to the soccer fields to participate in intramurals or a pickup game. As his brother posted on his Facebook wall yesterday:
“I am comforted, today, knowing that Josh French is playing on the finest soccer field in heaven. GOD is good….”
Indeed, during my junior year at Wheaton, I was able to capture some of Josh’s passion for soccer on film. Call me crazy, but this movie I produced during my junior year of college, starring he and his friend Andy Barg, reassured me that Josh is definitely kicking it upstairs right now, with Jesus.
Read a full Good Friday tribute to Josh and Wheaton freshman Graham Stevens at this link.
Last Tuesday, Australian worship team Hillsong United released their 12th studio album, Zion. During the first week of its release, it sold more than 34,100 units, topped the Billboard Christian & Gospel album and digital charts, peaked as the No. 1 album overall on iTunes in the United States, South Africa, Sweden, Dominican Republic, Brazil, Singapore, Ghana and Columbia (beating out even Bruno Mars!), and debuted at No.1 on the Australian ARIA Albums chart, making this album an international hit. Zion is following the lead of TobyMac and Chris Tomlin, two other Christian artists who have topped mainstream music charts recently. The day after the album’s global release, I spoke with their worship leader Joel Houston about the group’s success and the heart behind their music. As we chatted, I realized that humility and gratitude were two striking qualities that stood out to me most – from a musician who influences millions of individuals every year, that was striking.
Q: Talk about your recent release, Zion. What are the main themes you want to come across on the album?
A: Zion is a title that can beg a bunch of different questions. The reason we called it that is because we wanted to say that we have the opportunity to realize that as believers, as the church right here and right now, we’re a part of what God is doing on the earth. I believe we’re not supposed to just wait out our days as Christians, looking forward to the one day when we all get up to heaven. Instead, God actively wants to breathe his kingdom in and through us, right here and right now.
Q: Hillsong produces songs that help people experience the presence of God. How do you encourage listeners to worship with “reckless abandon?”
A: People often come into worship carrying a variety of burdens. We feel challenged by circumstances surrounding us, we feel insecure and compare ourselves to everyone and everything around us, we feel we aren’t good enough, we’re worried about this and that. And yet we have the idea of coming together in a corporate worship setting and for a moment letting go and understanding that we don’t have control. As much as we like to think we have control all the time, the freest place we can find ourselves is to actually let go and say, Hey God, you’re in control, and I’m going to trust you. When you find yourself in that place, worship becomes really easy.
Q: How has your understanding of worship changed over the years as you’ve traveled the globe with Hillsong United?
A: The thing I love about our church is it’s really built on the service and sacrifice of many. We live in a culture that loves to shine the spotlight on somebody and to lift up our leaders and all the rest of it, and part of that is just human nature. But I think the important thing always is everybody has a plan and a purpose, everybody’s valuable, and everybody is a part of this thing called the church.
I spend my time on the platform leading people in worship, but my revelation of it is that worship is something that is outward. As we occupy our streets day after day, week after week, moment after moment, that’s it, or bust. If it becomes about the platform, then the platform’s basically going to fall over or become a distraction. The platform should really just serve to see every single one of us empowered to do what we do. Whether it be a mother at home raising a family, or someone working a job that might seem very distant from our traditional concept of ministry, we’re all called to be ministers of the gospel.
Q: Why is it important to be part of a church community?
A: I think one of the greatest powers to any church is community. A healthy community should be flourishing together because of a culture of discipleship, evangelism, active faith, and community outreach. I think if any of those things are missing, the challenge is that our church has become inward focused. It becomes about me, and am I growing, am I getting what I want out of this, am I having the worship experience I need. Anytime I ever hear that from anybody I say, “Well cool, I can’t help you until you understand that everything we do in our faith has to be outward focused at all times.” It’s the only way we become stronger and are actually edified.
We have to make sure that our relationships are honest and pure, and that our relationship with God is not something that’s just a routine, but is something that is active. It really comes back to being humble, and not being afraid to bear our weaknesses in a way that allows God to be the strength in those circumstances. That’s the foundation of our faith: it’s impossible to accept Jesus without humbling ourselves. So it starts there, then it’s something that we have to choose to get back to every single day. If we live that way I think there’s no limit to what we can achieve as a community.
Members of Hillsong United: from left, Joel Houston, Jad Gillies, JD and Matt Crocker
“The idea of a higher being who has a plan and will offer guidance felt almost like a relief. I continued to listen to the other songs with a new perspective, really trying to internalize the message, and it actually did bring me a sense of peace and calm.”
God does promise us a peace that surpasses all understanding – and I’m sure anyone who listens to Hillsong’s latest release will experience it. That is why it’s rising to the top of the charts.
You know the feeling: work is piling up, and you thought everything was manageable until, for whatever reason, it isn’t anymore. You’ve probably experienced that moment when the stress moves in, your throat and chest get tight, your breathing gets shallow, and you realize you may not be able to handle whatever is coming your way. For Christians who believe God provides a peace that surpasses all understanding, these moments can be extremely unsettling (I’m leaving for Honduras in less than a week, and I NEED THAT PEACE TO SURVIVE!!!)
Even though I started my day by reading an inspirational “do not worry” Bible passage from the Bible, I felt myself spiraling into a severe case of the Mondays by 1 p.m., and did what any stressed Millennial would do: posted a Facebook status about my panicked state.
To my surprise, I received a bunch of responses that are TOTALLY worth sharing with all of you. If you’re feeling stressed or panicked, here are some tips on how to achieve stress free living – thank all of my Facebook friends!:
Lay down flat on back. Close eyes. Commence sleep.
BAKING. it works every time.
“You can punch me in the arm.” -my boss
Get a venti calm tea with 3 honey from Starbucks.
Also, authentic lavender perfume, lotion, whatever…..the chemicals in lavender actually interact with the nervous system to calm someone down
drugs.
scream into a pillow!
Buy a Nature Sounds CD, close your eyes, slowly breathe and listen to the sounds. I know it sounds crazy, but I have dealt with stress caused panic attacks and that works the best for me
Go for a long run. Until your legs hurt. Then, go home, drink tons of water, and sleep.
Corpse pose…then focus on slowly relaxing each part of your body starting at your toes and working up to the top of your head. This helps me fall asleep when I’m really anxious. If you don’t want to fall asleep, say a new prayer each time you relax a new part of your body.
inhale for 7 seconds, hold breath for 7 seconds, exhale for 7 seconds. repeat!
also bend from the waist and let your head and neck and arms dangle for about a minute, then roll up slowly vertebrae by vertebrae until your head is the last thing to come up. good stuff.
Green olives.
sky diving
listen to smooth jazz all stars on spotify
Laugh a bit..aka…watch pitch perfect
Certain pills work very well.
Long walk with apple cider….surfing…hitting baseballs….work-out…read the Bible for 30 min….Journal…America’s Funniest Home Videos….fresh chocolate chip cookies and milk….Psalm 46:10…warm shower….
A HUG FROM MEEEEEEE!!!
Lie on your back and pull your knees up to your chest and stay there quietly with your eyes closed and let your mind wander freely while taking deep breaths.
Try self hypnosis. Focus on relaxing each group of muscles starting with your toes, lower legs, upper legs, core, chest, neck, scalp, down your shoulders, upper arms, down to your fingers. Do this in any relaxed position slowly, first noticing the sensation of the chair you’re sitting in then on each part of your body.
Do some down dog! And final savasana or corpse pose
OK, don’t try this at home. sit in chair. put your head between your knees. Keep repeating, “It’s only a movie.” After five minutes, resume normal activities w favorite hot beverage. If you begin to hiccup, start again at the beginning.
Run! The more you sweat, the better! Then, drink tons of water and read and put on happy music. I find that I relax faster if I avoid screens, so books are good! Also, try stretching it out. Stretch as far as you can, then take a breath, relax, and stretch farther! (This is what works for me, at least) a round or two of wall ball is a good stress relief tactic, too:)
Any other suggestions? I’m open to anything and everything!
EDITOR’S NOTE: All statements in this post are factual. I met Justin Bieber and his mother Pattie at 101.3 KDWB-FM in Minneapolis, Minnesota, while working as a production intern for the Dave Ryan in the Morning Show during summer 2009. Four years later, I found myself interviewing Bieber’s “pastor,” Judah Smith, during the 2013 Passion Conference. I had no idea the two of them were connected until this week, when Justin Instagrammed Smith’s new book, Jesus Is ____, and Smith Tweeted back at the Biebs (“I love you @justinbieber for life”). It’s a beautiful bromance that I’m happy to be caught in the middle of.
And now, I present a personal birthday message for the Biebs:
Happy 19th Birthday, Justin Bieber!After meeting you and your mom Pattie at 101.3 KDWB in Minneapolis, Minnesota in 2009, I’m so glad you’ve been able to “make it big.” I remember when my producer asked if I would go grab “some 13-year-old YouTube sensation” from the lobby, and I went down to find you in the midst of 50 anxious girls who had been waiting to meet you for hours. You played an acoustic version of “One Time” live in our studio while I talked to your mom about early mornings and radio tours. She told me how proud she was of you, and how happy she was that she got to watch you doing what you love-playing music-even at 7 o’clock in the morning.
I played you at Pac-Man before your manager, Scooter, came in and told you to “Be cool, Justin, be cool!,” and we had to stop the game before I could beat you. 😛
Yes, Justin Bieber autographed a personalized poster for me when we met in 2009!
We took a picture together (we both wore white zip-ups that day – crazy), then you signed a personalized poster for me (it’s still hanging on my bedroom wall). You drew a heart on it, which I thought was super cute, then you left the building. The next time I saw you was in an arena full of screaming teenagers – you were on stage – and the last thing you said at the end of your set as the lights went down was, “Jesus loves you!”
Then, when I met and interviewed pastor Judah Smith at the 2013 Passion Conference last month, I had no idea you two were connected, but it makes a lot of sense – you have a lot in common! I love that you both love Jesus. 🙂
Now that it’s your 19th birthday, I wanted to write you a personalized birthday greeting with some thoughts from Judah Smith as well. I heard you’ve been hanging out with him lately, saw the image you posted on Instagram of his book that just came out, and even heard on Fox & Friends that your mom used to play tapes of him preaching to put you to sleep! When I hung with Judah at the 2013 Passion Conference in Atlanta, I discovered he’s a pretty cool dude – I’m glad you like his book too. I heard you – maybe you’re part of the reason why Jesus Is ____ is in the Top 10 of Amazon’s Christian best-seller list? 😉
Here’s a bit of what Judah had to say about church and Jesus during our interview in Atlanta last month in case you’re interested in hearing something fresh and new from your pastor!
Also – let me know if you ever want a re-match of that Pac-Man game. I’m down!
Q: What have you learned about Christians and the church while writing this book?
A: We are probably more messed up than I’d realized. We’ve got a long ways to go. When you give people wiggle room to really share how they’re doing and where they’re really at, it can be pretty alarming. But it’s also exciting. It shows how relatable we are as churches if we’re really being honest. Man, we’re all sinners. We’re really good at sinning. We’re prolific at sinning. The problem is sin in our world, particularly in the Northwest—especially so. Our church [City Church Seattle] is relevant because we know how to sin and we’re good at it—but Jesus saved us. So we learned a lot about that, and learned a lot about our community. By giving people a voice and a platform, by listening to them, and by not giving them quick, cheap answers and clichés, but really just letting them talk, we’ve built some bridges and knocked down some walls.
Jesus Is ______ is a pretty cool concept. How did it happen?
It wasn’t meant to be anything of what it’s become—it was really formed around the heart of our team [at City Church Seattle] sitting around in a room going, “Man, we really just want people to know about Jesus.” That’s been my thing since I was in high school—if my buddies just knew how amazing Jesus is. You know, how can I convince them? I can’t physically, intellectually, or even emotionally, but how can they really come to see Jesus? I’m persuaded that when you really see who Jesus is, he’s almost undeniable. You can see a little bit of my free will in there, but I think he’s just so beautiful and wonderful and amazing, and he’s the creator of the universe.
I’ve been realizing that it’s a journey, though—it’s a long process to do that. So we’re sitting around as a team and I said, “Let’s start a campaign called ‘Jesus Loves Seattle.’” Then a couple of the guys said, “What if we just left a blank and let anyone say whatever they want?” That’s our passion, just to be missionaries—to fill in that blank. Letting others fill it in first, then giving them wiggle room to air a little bit of their hurt, pain, and frustration, which I think is part of being empathetic, compassionate, and gracious, and then doing our best with our lives to fill in a really accurate picture of Jesus.
You’ve talked a lot about building community. Why is community important?
It’s difficult because there’s no such thing as instant community. If it’s instant community it’s a party, that’s not community. Community takes time and effort. It takes tears at a hospital, it takes hugging someone at a funeral. Over time you develop trust and value and respect and appreciation, but it takes a long time. That’s not probably the kind of thing you want to hear if you’re a church planter or a church leader, but it just takes time.
Do you have any advice for the church at large?
I need some advice from the church at large, that’s for sure [laughs]. But I did read an article a couple of days ago on urging the church to keep the main thing the main thing. Keeping Jesus the big deal, and to really value, appreciate, and celebrate each other’s differences. I think podcasting and other media really make the world smaller, and make the body of Christ smaller in a sense, and I’m excited for the future. I feel like there are going to be a lot of tribes that each continue to have their distinctive, but really hang out together and enjoy each other. Not just tolerate each other for an event, but really enjoy each other’s company and relationship. I think that’s going to be a huge part in wrapping this whole thing up someday. I think the best days are ahead for the church. And I’m proud to be an American.
Reece Whitehead‘s grandparents gave their lives to Jesus Christ in 1959 while listening to Billy Graham give a stadium altar call in Melbourne, Australia. As a result, Reece and his siblings were raised to know Jesus, and he and his brother Darren ultimately found themselves in pastoral roles at Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago. Darren recently left Willow Creek to work at a church in Nashville, but Reece was commissioned as Willow DuPage’s permanent campus pastor this morning, mere miles from Graham’s former stomping grounds.
“I bore my soul to a Christian counselor last summer, and asked myself, ‘What life am I waiting to live?’” Reece said during the morning service. “I’m standing before you today to say I’m all in with you here at Willow DuPage.”
Whitehead received a standing ovation from a local congregation composed of residents from suburban Chicago communities including Naperville, Wheaton, Winfield, and West Chicago who have been waiting months for the installment of a permanent campus pastor. Tyler Grissom was also welcomed to the church’s leadership team as the Community Life pastor.
Approximately 20,000 people attend church services at one of Willow Creek Community Church’s seven sites around the greater Chicagoland area every weekend. I began attending Willow Creek’s North Shore and downtown Chicago campuses during my time in graduate school at Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism last year. I was baptized in the lake at Willow Creek’s South Barrington campus in June 2011 before leading a small group of high school freshmen girls through a summer of South Barrington’s high school ministry, Student Impact, and just started attending the church’s DuPage campus in September 2012.
Many people wonder why I’m interested in attending a church that streams many of its sermons via videocast from the main campus at South Barrington, but I love the 20-somethings small groups I’m a part of at both North Shore and DuPage, and look forward to engaging with the Willow DuPage congregation that is much smaller than South Barrington’s arena-sized Sunday morning gathering. I attend and support Willow Creek’s South Barrington campus (the one that welcomes over 9,000 individuals to their weekend services and plans to complete a $1 million+ Care Center this year), but am excited to engage with the smaller and more intimate DuPage gathering at Wheaton Academy that will be focused on “outreach, outreach, and outreach.”
After praying over Reece and hearing from he, his wife, and two small children, I can’t help myself – I’m all in, too!
Friday afternoon, speaker and author Andrew Marin gave a presentation to over 100 Wheaton College students, faculty, staff, and visitors about how conservative Christians can better love LGBTQ individuals. His main points to the conservative Christian audience were to talk less and listen more, and to not be afraid to “live in the tension” of understanding another person’s story, pain, and journey through life – even if their belief system is different than yours.
Marin’s story was that he was a white, homophobic evangelical Christian teen in suburban Chicago when three of his best friends came out to him as gay or lesbian consecutively over the course of three months. “Don’t tell anyone,” they each said to him following their confessions. He was afraid, so he cut ties with them and ran away “like a dog with a tail between his legs.” After a while, he felt “the Lord convicted him,” and he eventually made his way back to his friends, apologized for leaving, and decided to dedicate his life to building bridges between the LGBT community and the Church.
Marin published an award-winning book called Love is an Orientation in 2009 about his life in Boystown, Chicago, where he has lived for over a decade with tens of thousands of homosexuals. Upon arrival in Boystown at the age of 19 in an apartment with two of his lesbian friends, Marin was pegged by locals as “Straighty Straighterson,” and began having conversations with gay men and women at bars, clubs, grocery stores, and on the streets who were curious about Marin’s Christian faith, straight orientation, and residency in a neighborhood where 95 percent of its residents identify as LGBTQ.
What began as one man taking a leap of faith and moving to the only officially designated “gay neighborhood” in the United States has now evolved to become a nonprofit outreach effort called The Marin Foundation. The foundation’s work in Boystown has inspired a book (Love is an Orientation), major media coverage (BBC), and recognition as Buzzfeed’s #1 Reason to Restore Your Faith in Humanity. The foundation hosts structured faith-based conversations all over the city called “Living in the Tension Gatherings.” They are defined as gatherings for Christians and non-Christians, homosexuals, LGBTQ individuals, and straight individuals to talk about sexuality and spirituality in an open and safe environment at various venues including Roscoe’s, a nationally recognized gay bar.
“I want to be part of something redemptive in this neighborhood, and this is it,” club manager Shawn said to a BBC reporter on assignment in 2011.
Shawn opens up his club four times per year for Marin’s “Living in the Tension” gatherings, even though he identifies as gay and atheist. His story was captured in BBC documentary “God and Gays – bridging the gulf”, and written about in print article “Why conservative Christians flock to a Chicago gay bar.” His story is also just a small slice of the progress the Marin Foundation is making to close the gap between conservative evangelicals and work in the city. The foundation is a Christian effort that encourages people to walk with Jesus through life in close proximity with those who need Him most. For people who are wary of Marin’s ministry, know he lives by this mantra:
“It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict; God’s job to judge; and my job to love.”
Marin’s lecture, called “Are We Loving the LGBTQ Community?,” fell on the same week as the launch of the college’s same-sex attracted community group for students, “Refuge” (for details on the group, read yesterday’s blog post, “Wheaton College Provides ‘Refuge’ For Same-Sex Attracted Students”). To hear more about what’s currently happening
Here are some of the questions Wheaton students asked following Marin’s presentation, along with brief snippets of his answers (for more detailed opinions, visit the Marin Foundation’s website):
Q: When people ask, ‘Do you think homosexuality is a sin?’, what should you say?
A:
1) Don’t answer yes or no
2) Apply a kingdom principle that’s universal to all humanity:
Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”;
James 2:10: “Whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it”; and
Matthew 7:1-5: We aren’t called to judge: instead, we’re called to love the sinner and hate the sin in our own life.
3) Drive the point home by making it socially relevant
Q: Should we judge within the context of Christian community?
A: Don’t speak until you earn the credibility to speak. Faithfulness is the most effective language of love.
Q: When someone who identifies as gay accepts Christ, do we encourage them to pursue celibacy?
Good discernment comes in community. As a straight white male with a wife, it’s very easy for me to dictate what path is best for someone else, but I can’t dictate God’s best journey for someone else. But I can say, I want to know you and I want you to know Jesus, and I want to help you know what that means for your life. Whether that becomes you wanting to enter into a heterosexual relationship or a gay one—I can’t say what’s right. But I can encourage them to walk with Jesus through it. If not, we still want to walk with them through life and stick together. Q: How can we love our LGBTQ classmates, neighbors, and family members?
A: It’s about proximity. You can’t make an impact if you’re not in close proximity to whose lives you want to make a difference in. Also, Christians talk too much. Be intentional about sitting in someone’s pain—live in the tension. Bring conservatives and progressives together for conversation, and be intentional about pursuing the dialogue now. Don’t wait until you graduate.
See photos from the lecture and city outreach here:
For the first time in its 150-year history, Wheaton College has formally instated a community group for same-sex attracted students. “Refuge” was recognized as a community group under the Student Care Committee for Student Government by President Philip Ryken Tuesday, and is composed of approximately 15 Wheaton students who identify as same-sex attracted.
According to a campus-wide email sent by President Ryken this week, all of Wheaton’s community groups under the Student Care Committee are meant to “bring students together for confidential support by others who share a similar life experience. They are not therapy groups, but they are venues to care for students, including students who feel isolated and have not found a place to connect in the Wheaton Community.”
The group is private and confidential, with an application process required for admittance. For the past 18 months, the group has been meeting with the Dean of Student Care and Services Melanie Humphreys, and has grown from two students to 15. According to Humphreys, “Refuge is one of the most at-risk student groups on campus…and what I mean by ‘at-risk’ is at risk for self-harm or suicide. Each of the students I have come to know have experienced significant loneliness and isolation on our campus.”
“Refuge saved (my roommate’s) life, and it probably saved mine, too,” a current Wheaton student participating in Refuge said.
According to President Ryken, “Refuge” was chosen as the name for the group because: “There are many references to divine refuge in Scripture, such as the first verse of Psalm 46: ‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.’ The goal of Refuge is to provide support for students in their journey to understand their identity in Christ and its implications for their sexual orientation and gender identity.”
Today at 3:30 p.m., Wheaton will welcome Andrew Marin, founder of The Marin Foundation, a Chicago-based non-profit focused on building bridges between the LGBT community and the Church, to campus for a presentation at Barrows Auditorium.
In the aftermath of Valentine’s Day 2013, I realize that, at the age of 24, I’m still single, and loving it – along with thousands of other individuals in Chicago (see map above). Even though my twin sister is engaged, and most of my close friends have significant others, I’m perfectly content grabbing dinner with friends in the suburbs of Chicago on the most romantic day of the year (as I did contentedly 24 hours ago). If I were to go out and look for love, it looks like, according to the map above and HuffPo article “Looking for Love? Where You Live Can Help Your Odds” by Jed Kolko, it looks like my best odds would be in the West Loop in Chicago – but right now, why go out and look for love when I’m single and loving it?
Given, it’s not easy to see and hear friends running around talking about the large bouquets they received and extravagant dinner dates their beaus have planned for them, but at the same time, the recent Atlantic article about how “everlasting love” doesn’t actually exist reminds me of the importance of desiring and abiding in God’s love more than in a romantic relationship. C.S. Lewis says it best, as summarized in this thinkChristian blog post:
C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves should be required reading on Feb. 14, for his four-fold assessment of “God is love” – exploring affection, friendship, romance and charity – lays the groundwork for considering the beautiful diversity of love’s nature.
Christianity has the essential resources to account not only for the kind of love which can sustain a marriage, but also for love’s more daily, casual gestures between friends, neighbors, relatives and even strangers. In other words, Christianity can account for these “little moments of connection” as callings to “love your neighbor as yourself” and to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit in exhortations which inspire prosaic gestures – a handshake, a smile, a compliment, a knowing glance, an unexpected phone call, a cooked meal, a sacrificial helping hand – that fill our hearts with exceeding gladness (or “positivity resonance”).
I’m an evangelical Christian, so I believe the “guy will get the girl” and I will probably be “pursued” by my man when the time is right. Those truths help me to be patient and trust that God’s timing is never late, and help me to enjoy the company of my fellow humans – no matter their gender. In my opinion, and as I wrote in a 2012 blog post, “The War on Men” is a bunch of drama propagated by prideful feminists who have forgotten what it means to trust in the Lord for contentment.
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Check out Judah Smith’s book, Jesus Is ____, on Amazon, visit Jesus-is.org, and read more about Justin Bieber here. 
